WILLIAM COLLINS, TWO

Although I love the screen portrayals of Mr. Collins, I’m interested that in the novel he’s described as tall and more physically present. He’s not diminutive. The kind of cringy or bantam-like behavior I associate with him all come from the actors. 

He’s always obsequious, of course. The little attentions to the ladies, studied and prepared, is one of his ridiculous traits.

Let’s take Austen’s description as an Enneagram indicator, though. Forget about the actors. Collins is large. My first instincts — a One or a Six — are not correct. If he’s athletic, he’s a Nine. If not, he’s a Two. And he’s not athletic, regardless of how often Charlotte encourages him to enjoy his garden.

I would dearly love to see a production of P&P that casts Mr. Collins as a large Two. How does his character change? That mix of empathy and envy, how does it play out? When he comes to the Bennets after Lydia’s fall — always a scene that doesn’t quite work — how does it play if he’s a Two moving to Eight (weakness) at that moment? Or perhaps he’s a Two moving to Four (strength), looking out for himself and his own? Right now he’s portrayed as a judgmental placeholder, a mouthpiece for Lady Catherine. What if he expresses his own interests in that scene? Ooh, so exciting!

Isn’t that funny? Collins is beloved. I clap when I see him ooze onto the screen. But they’ve all been playing him wrong, and it’s deeply thrilling to imagine a production that gets him right. He doesn’t collect musical instruments or obscure tools, he collects Lady Catherine’s advice. Her attentions are the objects this Man Two places on his hobby shelf. It’s absolutely delightful.