ONE
The Easter Island head. Inside, Squidward talks to . . . himself. He’s sculpted a wax replica of himself. It’s disturbing. Haha! Hands on hips, it’s just as judgy as the original.
Crash! Outside Spongebob and Patrick play football with a rock. Nope, not football. It’s an undersea Calvinball with chess and bubble blowing. This could also possibly be the Two.
TWO
Squidward opens his window to yell at them. Once he’s disrupted their game he puts on a record and draws a bath. The clash with Squidward, wherever I draw the line, is the Trouble. The lack of a Three makes this Two hard to tack down.
THREE
(There is no Three.)
FOUR
Meanwhile, Patrick and Spongebob start tossing a shell like a frisbee. It goes in through Squid’s window and sticks in the wax head. In the bath, Squidward doesn’t hear.
Into the house they go to look for the shell. They pull it out of the waxwork head and start to leave before they notice “there’s something wrong with Squidward”. (It’s fallen over with a splat and has a chunk missing from its skull.) After giving it mouth-to-mouth Patrick falls on it. When he rises, the face is flattened into the shape of two butt cheeks. Okay, I giggled.
They put it in the sunny window to warm up and it melts while they’re talking. “Hey, what’s that on your shoe?” “SQUIDWARD! AARGH!”
(Lol, I have no memory of this episode!)
Squidward, out of the bath, dries and powders himself while the duo try to reconstruct the wax version. It’s not working, though, and they conclude he’s dead.
SWITCH
Just at that moment a peaceful Squid waltzes out from the bathroom. Because of the white towel, steam, and the powder, he’s a uniform color of pale. The duo are terrified and Squidward is annoyed. He, of course, looks like a ghost.
FIVE
As he pursues them, complaining, he steps in the wax with a splurdge. He’s about to yell at them, but they’re at his feet, kissing and begging for mercy from the ghost. Aha, Squid gets it.
Lol, he starts talking in a spooky voice. “Tend to my every need.” And he wiggles his tentacle hands at them.
Bubble-wipe, and the duo carries some kind of settee around outside, Squid reclining on it. They collapse from the weight after Squid delivers a Toulouse-Lautrec joke. Wut?! I definitely don’t remember this episode!
He commands them to find refreshment. Now, he looks totally his own color, except for the white robe and turban. The duo comply. He gets more bossy, and they try to meet his demands. When he tells Spongebob to play him a song on a piece of tissue paper, Spongebob breaks down. He can’t do it. Squid insists and storms away.
What in the world is this episode?
The next morning, and Spongebob is flat on the ground. Squid punishes him by telling him to clean the back room.
SIX
Bubble-wipe to a low angle imposing shot of the Easter Island head. I don’t often see an intact Six and a missing Three, by the way.
SEVEN
They go in a cluttered room and clean it by tearing down the wallpaper. (I’m so confused.) The only thing remaining is a comic book about the Flying Dutchman who haunts the seas because he was never put to rest.
Let’s put Squidward to rest!
EIGHT
Step One of the ceremony is to . . . blows spitwads at him? I think. Step Two is an open coffin. Get in!
Get out! They leave, only to dig a grave just outside the door. They’re so cheerful and helpful. Look, the mourners have arrived! Squidward confesses that he’s alive. “I’m not your master, I’m your neighbor.”
Oh, hahaha! “He’s a ghost in denial.”
Squidward relaxes on his giant settee that’s still in the yard. The duo blow a bubble that encases him and floats up and away. “There he goes.” Squidward protests, but he’s trapped.
Exterior shot above the ocean with the little fake island in the background. Up comes the bubble. “He’s in a better place.”
NINE
Live footage of seagulls as they flock behind the cartoon bubble, Squidward stuck inside.
Wow. The End. I’m cracking up. That was one weird piece of filmmaking.