ONE
The Krusty Krab. Spongebob is in the kitchen, sniffing patty meat. Mustard check mark — perfect!
TWO
Crying is heard. Spongebob peeks his head out the order window and then hides. Pearl, tears streaming, runs through the dining area and into the office. Spongebob follows the trail of moisture and listens at the door.
Haha! Mr. Krabs’ voice tells her to calm down and the office door slams to the ground from the tsunami of tears. Spongebob fights the wave to put the door back. A stream of water knocks down the door and ejects Mr. Krabs across the restaurant, tears filling the room. (Yay, finally. Water flooding a building that is already underwater. I’ve been waiting for that reality check!)
THREE
What’s wrong with Pearl? Her scurvy prom date stood her up.
FOUR
Krabs suggests another date. Himself? The tears threaten. Mr. Squidward? Yikes. Spongebob? My complexion! (lol, wut?) Mr. Krabs puts a call out to the room, and all the fish customers dash away. Pearl, dejected, says, “Just don’t be late, Spongebob.”
Haha, wow. Not bad. The thing Pearl wants least in the world is contrived to happen.
Krabs starts to give Spongebob a speech about how important this is when another Spongebob walks up. Krabs was talking to a dummy. What? Where did that come from, and why! The real Spongebob says, “Don’t worry, Mr. Krabs. I am a prom expert!”
Bubble-wipe to Spongebob at home telling Gary, “I’m a prom failure.” How can he compete with Pearl’s dream date, the one who rejected her, Mr. Long, Tan, and Handsome? Gary meows. Spongebob reaches into his shell to pull out a magazine with that exact title. “That gives me an idea!”
Bubble-wipe to a montage of Spongebob sewing and sprucing. He grows the boutonniere flower right on the jacket lapel. He ties on leg extensions. He browns himself in the toaster. And he puts two little ortho appliances on his buck teeth.
SWITCH
He shows his perfected self to Gary, who recoils with — surprise? horror? Heh. We only see the shadow. Gary retracts into his shell.
FIVE
Exterior shot of Krabs’ Anchor house. From inside Mr. Krabs answers the door and we see Spongebob’s legs. He lowers himself into view. Tuxedo, wig, and box under his arm. What do you think, Pearl?
She wears a pink frilly dress (with her large whale head dominating it all). “At least no one will recognize him.” She gives him a list of social requirements. Spitting out a pad of paper, Spongebob takes notes. Dissolve to reams of paper as Pearl continues to talk. When she hears he’s brought a limo, though, she drags him out the door and they’re off.
They arrive at the gym. Spongebob on his mechanical legs is as tall as Pearl. He ruins the required prom picture. Her friends ask about her date and she says he’s getting punch. Spongebob’s legs won’t allow him to reach the ladle in the bowl, and he ends up wearing the punch. Pearl is angry.
SIX
Then they hide because her old boyfriend has arrived. He’s . . . not . . . Long or Handsome. He is sort of tan.
SEVEN
Spongebob’s dancing sends people running from the room, and Pearl starts to weep. Don’t cry! As he goes over the list, looking for something he can do for Pearl, Spongebob realizes he’s already ruined everything.
EIGHT
He starts crying. Pearl comforts him as he hides in the bathroom.
Insert a vinyl record starting to spin.
Fake legs forgotten, Spongebob (can I still wear the wig?) is ready to party. A song begins as a montage of dancing and frolicking rolls. Pearl has so much fun she tells Tan Dude to get lost. She and Spongebob are carried out on the crowd’s shoulders. “We’re popular!” Nope, everyone’s scowling.
NINE
Bubble-wipe to the Anchor house. Spongebob apologizes, but Pearls says, “I knew it would be a disaster, don’t worry.” It was fun, though!
Mr. Krabs comes out and Pearl says goodnight. Spongebob just stands there, frozen. Ah, like a dummy. After they go inside Spongebob pops out and picks fake him up. Close with the above-water island at night with the three palm trees.
This episode was tricky for me to find the Three/Six. Of course it’s Tan Dude, that’s obvious in retrospect. Along the way, though, what helped me was noticing the beautiful mirroring in the Two/Eight. Pearl and Spongebob swap places, one crying behind the door, one sympathetically listening. The beats become more than just wailing and dancing. The connection — unexpected, perhaps unwanted — between Spongebob and Pearl is sweet.
I don’t get the whole dummy thing, though. Heh.