ONE
A skeleton on a sunken ship, a spider in snorkel gear — it’s a Halloween episode. The French narrator tells us so. “Everyone’s having fun.” The Krusty Krab has a big sign out front and some nice jack-o-lanterns.
TWO
“Well, almost everyone.” Inside the KK kitchen, Spongebob jumps at a sound. Washing dishes, he quickly turns when the order rack makes a sinister chuckling-like squeak. He rushes through the rest of the pile, breaking some plates, and declares he’s done.
Krabs blocks the door. Don’t you want to hear my scary story? No. But . . . he can’t resist. Krabs sets up a campfire just inside the front door and they sit around it.
THREE
Ooh! It’s a Flying Dutchman story! Yay!
(What a great Three: Introduce the idea of the Dutchman. Wait until the Six!)
FOUR
Krabs uses a Krabby Patty to demonstrate the Dutchman’s ship and how he steals pickles . . . er, souls. Spongebob’s teeth start to chatter. Behind him, Squidward dressed as a pirate emerges. “I’ve come for your pickles.” Spongebob leaps airborne. (Or, waterborne, I guess.)
Squid takes off his beard and hat disguise, and Krabs laughs at how every year it gets easier to scare “Scaredy Pants”. Emerging from a barrel, Spongebob frowns. Krabs approaches and invites him to tonight’s party, and then shames him for being afraid. Squid walks up behind and whispers, “Steal your soul,” sending Spongebob flying again.
Oh, all the way through the roof and out to the exterior of the KK. From there he walks home in the dark, shivering. A child-fish trying to trick-or-treat terrifies him. The mom-fish tells her kid, “Don’t worry, that’s just Spongebob Scaredy Pants.” Mrs. Puff, dressed as a witch, drives by in her boat-car and calls him the same name. Clutching the street light, Spongebob protests. “It’s Square Pants!”
Bubble-wipe to the neighborhood. Inside a giant pumpkin that is inside the pineapple (I think!) Spongebob, while carving triangle eye holes, complains to Gary. Why does everyone scare him every year? He’s sick of it! No more!
Turning, he sees the jack-o-lantern face and runs into the closet.
Patrick knocks at the front door. Rubbing his hands together, Spongebob decides he’ll scare Patrick. Rahr! In a Groucho Marx moustache, Patrick waves hello and sends Spongebob into the ceiling. Why can’t I be scary for once? Spongebob wails.
SWITCH
Heh. Patrick is going to help.
FIVE
Let the costume parade begin! Spongebob comes out as a square ghost in a sheet, but Patrick thinks he’s a bag. No, I’m the Flying Dutchman! Patrick knows how to improve the costume. He steps into the closet and mills a pine tree, then presents Spongebob with wooden clogs. Now you’re terrifying. Haha — wut?
I don’t know, Patrick. Little kids at the door! They’re easy to scare!
They laugh. “Look, it’s the haunted mattress.” Haha! And they don’t want candy. The laugh was enough of a treat. Heh.
Finally Spongebob realizes the flaw: he’s square. A scary ghost will have a rounded head. Oh, dear. Patrick has safety goggles and an electric trimmer. Aargh! There goes a corner of Spongebob! Heh — Patrick wipes his brow with a shaved off piece of sponge. Oh, dear, we only see Patrick’s back as he wields the clippers and yellow bits fly about.
Okay, the reveal. He is indeed a round-topped ghost. In clogs! Patrick puts on the Marx glasses and the two go out into the street. Spongebob says, “Wooh, I’m the Flying Dutchman!” Patrick says, “Wooh, I don’t know who I am!” That got me.
Ding dong. The fish who answers the door isn’t scared, but he doesn’t laugh, either. Excited, Spongebob and Patrick run away. They feel very scary. Where to next? Party at the KK!
The place is packed. We get a panning shot of all the partiers in costume. Wait. Back-up. Oh, man, it goes so fast. Is that Sandy with a costume inside her helmet? Krabs chokes on a bobbed apple and Pearl, dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein, moans at how embarrassing he is. Oh, I love seeing the costume jokes! Yes, Sandy’s a goldfish in a bowl, and Squidward is . . . still the Flying Dutchman.
Spongebob and Patrick, on the roof, open the hatch. Wow. They kill the lights and lower Spongebob, in threatening silhouette, into the room. Patrick with a bullhorn provides the ghostly deep voice. As everyone cowers, a mischievous jellyfish stings Patrick’s booty. He drops Spongebob and screams.
Rope shenanigans, with Patrick running about and Spongebob hoiked about the room. Finally he ends up dangling upside down, sheet drooping, with his square pants showing. Recognizing him, everyone starts laughing.
SIX
Exterior shot of the Krusty Krab as lightning strikes everywhere. A white light and the front doors burst open. Now the guests are actually scared. A green smoke fills the doorway, rises up, and forms into the ghostly shape of the real Flying Dutchman.
SEVEN
Mr. Krabs faints. When the fish keep screaming, the ghost blasts them with a lightning beam from his mouth.
(It’s not a decision, per se. However, Krabs, who was so snarky about “Spongebob Scaredy Pants”, shows who he really is when the chips are down.)
EIGHT
Monologue from the Dutchman. (He wears a little purse that says “souls” on it.) He doesn’t like people dressing up as him, stealing his schtick. The final straw is . . . gesture to Spongebob in his sheet, still hanging upside down. Haha — out of all the Dutchman costumes, yours is the most insulting. Spongebob is genuinely surprised to hear that he’s not scary.
All right, down to business. The Dutchman materializes into a huge version of himself, towering over all the shivering fish. First he has to get rid of Spongebob’s stupid costume. He pulls off the sheet. Ka-doing! The Dutchman goes goggle-eyed. Cut to a long shot of the KK with the green ghost streaming away, squealing. Haha! And now we see Spongebob. Yikes. He’s a brain with a face and a column neck. He’s smiling, though, so . . . he’s not creepy? Haha, his little shoulders are attached to the top of his square pants.
I scared him, he laughs. He’s so happy. Cut to another exterior with all the party guests running out of the building in fear. Brain Spongebob and Patrick exit the door, still excited. Classic Patrick: I guess it was your pink hat. Spongebob: Pink hat? That’s my brain. Patrick runs away screaming.
NINE
Aw, over a black screen Spongebob says, “Don’t worry, it grows back.” How sweet. Now the kids are reassured. And everyone’s learned some science.