Oh, dear. Critical Notes are after the breakdown.
ONE
We’re on the bridge, but from a very strange camera angle, swooping and rising. Lol, what in the world? Why would a bird’s eye view that zooms down to a console button be necessary? (Did someone get a new lens toy?) Spock leads the crew in some kind of experiment or test. Some Lieutenant assists him.
TWO
Noticing a blinking red alert, Sulu says an object moves toward them. Evasive maneuvers. They slow and stop, and we see the object on the view screen.
It’s a Rubik’s cube, lol. Close-ups of everyone looking at this spinning, neon-colored block.
Ahead slow, and steer a course around it. Naturally, it moves to stop them. Condition alert. Captain Kirk to the bridge.
Roll credits.
THREE
(There is no Three.)
FOUR
Captain’s log. They were star mapping. (Cool!) And then this thing showed up.
Kirk — hahaha, omg — is undergoing his quarterly physical check in sick bay. With his shirt off. Sweaty. Haha! As he finishes and sits up, he notices the red alert flashing. Kirk calls the bridge, and Spock shares the Rubik’s cube image. On his way. And he gives McCoy a verbal spank for not informing him of the alert. Bones, hilariously, couldn’t care less.
Hallway as crew hustle. Kirk has his uniform shirt tossed over his shoulders as he rushes along bare-chested. (Lolol. Will we ever forget Galaxy Quest and its observant humor?)
Waiting for Kirk, Spock on the bridge gives the new Lieutenant a reprimand and the guy responds with lip. Spock doesn’t care, and I miss Chekhov. Kirk in his quarters dresses in a fresh shirt. Finally, it seems, the episode can officially start now.
As Kirk enters the bridge, a handheld camera stalks him. (Again with the self-conscious film choices. But when he pivots, the camera racks focus, so props for landing a tricky technique.) He checks in with all departments; even Scotty is baffled by The Cube. Lieutenant Bailey recommends they blast it with phasers. Kirk must rebuke him.
Now they’re all in the conference room, held motionless for 18 hours according to the captain’s log, and they don’t know what to do. Spock postulates The Cube is either a space buoy, or fly paper. Kirk decides to try pulling away, and the room clears.
Very dramatic music.
Nope, they’re still stuck. Radiation increases and The Cube comes closer.
Tension, close-ups, frenetic music, spinning cubes, dunh-dunhs galore.
Phasers fire at close range and an explosion rocks the ship. (Yesss! Look at those actors go!!)
Cut to commercial.
So, The Cube has been destroyed. Kirk brainstorms with Spock: retreat or explore forward? They have a nice scene together that advances their relationship. After Kirk commands the crew to practice simulated attacks, he gets an interesting scene with McCoy. Throughout, Kirk keeps rubbing his forehead, like he has a headache. Bones worries about Lt. Bailey, that he was promoted too quickly.
In Kirk’s quarters the two men have a drink. Over, we hear Bailey’s whiny, young voice leading the ship through the simulation. Bones and Kirk poke at each other until Janice enters with a food tray. (Basket Head!! Hello!) After she leaves, Kirk complains about having a female yeoman. (Wut?! Wow, is Kirk weird in this one.) Sulu breaks into Bailey’s comm to say battle stations, and this is not a drill. A larger object, Spock tells Kirk, coming toward us.
On the bridge, scary music plays while the crew looks at the view screen. Oh, yes! Tractor beam sends all the actors flying. The object is now a sphere. Whoa, it comes right up to the Enterprise, towering over it. Spock gives a “fascinating”. It’s a glowy ball of smaller spheres, like gems. Kirk opens communications and sends greetings. Lt. Bailey, of all people, hears an answer in his ear piece. A message comes over the navigation beam. Uhura puts it on general comms.
SWITCH
A very manly voice calls them trespassers. You ignored a warning buoy, destroying it, and are obviously savage. Kirk tries to explain, but the entire bridge starts whirring. A sensor probe, Spock says. No more communication, the being says. You move, I destroy you.
FIVE
Kirk asks Bailey to send a recorder marker so other ships will stay away. Bailey is frozen or something. Sulu has to cover for him. Marker away, and a strong wave rocks the bridge. Your marker is destroyed, and you’ve got 10 minutes to pray before your whole vessel is destroyed. Kirk addresses the entire ship, reassuring them that an intelligent life will understand their motives. Stand by.
Kirk again talks ship to ship, assuring the alien that the Enterprise will leave, having no wish to trespass. A large humming takes over the bridge. All engines and weapons are dead.
Meanwhile, Spock has been working the problem. He has a visual. On screen, the ball ship is replaced by a colorful, cadaverous head. Close-ups of everyone basically going, “Ew.” The wavering transmission speaks: “You have eight Earth minutes left.” Bailey starts freaking out, yelling and having a drama.
Bailey, you’re relieved. Bones, escort him to his quarters.
Kirk opens a ship-to-ship. You’re buoy emitted radiation, harmful to us. We only acted in self-defense. A little vocal tension, a little sweat, and we see that Kirk might be getting desperate.
Again, the humming. “You now have seven minutes left.” Cut to commercial.
Kirk paces, Sulu’s countdown irritates Scotty, and Spock has nothing to offer except a checkmate reference. McCoy returns to the bridge to castigate Kirk about overworking Bailey. Tempers flare, and Kirk shouts, “Anytime you can bluff me, doctor –” The crew gives them looks, and they simmer down.
And there it is. The lightbulb. Kirk says, “Not chess, Mr. Spock. Poker.” He hails the alien and makes up a lie about corbomite, some mysterious, protective element that will explode on contact. “Attack us now. We grow annoyed at your foolishness.” And then Kirk gives Uhura the “cut” signal.
Now they wait. Kirk and Bones make amends. Spock congratulates Kirk on a good attempt. Sulu watches the clock. Bailey returns to his post. Close-ups of the nervous faces as Sulu counts down the last ten seconds.
Time continues, no attack. Eventually people start to relax. The alien hails them and asks for proof of the corbomite device. Kirk smirks. He lets the request wind out, then curtly denies it. “Cut” motions all over the place! Spock pulls up the head on view screen as it says it will think about their fate, then it vanishes.
Janice comes in with hot coffee. Okay, really? Well, the gang’s all here.
Something’s going on, Sulu says. From the back side of the large sphere comes a small ship. The sphere goes away as the alien voice says it will lead them to a planet where they’ll be interned. Their ship will be destroyed. At that, their engines power up. The tiny little bubble ship locks on and tows them. Nervous faces and shots of space. Cut to commercial.
In his captain’s log, Kirk gives his plan: the power drain of the tractor beam might affect that little ship. Kirk has the Enterprise fly at a right angle, further taxing the connection. Their engines begin to overheat. Oh, yes! Shaky cam and crew in the hallways falling to one side. And then the other side! The bubble ship glows brighter as it also strains. Music, beeps, more falling.
We’re breaking free! A last jolt, and the ship settles down.
Uhura catches the alien’s weak transmission: his systems, including life support, are out. The mother ship would not have heard a distress call that faint.
SIX
(There is no Six.)
SEVEN
Kirk transmits ship wide: we’re preparing to board the alien ship. There are lives at stake, aliens, but lives nonetheless. When McCoy begins to object, Kirk says, “What’s the mission of this vessel? To seek out alien life.” He’ll be transporting Bones with him, and Bailey. Spock must stay, in case it’s a trap.
EIGHT
They gear up in the transporter room. Phaser, communicator, some very odd belt that’s never seen again in the series, lol. Bend low, Scotty says. It’s pretty cramped over there.
They’re aboard. The ceiling is not high enough for them to properly stand. Kirk — whip! — with the phaser out. Reverse, and we see the cadaverous head.
It’s a puppet.
And then this teeny tiny voice says, “Welcome aboard.”
Haha! Oh, yes, the moment that makes this whole episode worthwhile! Reclined on a settee is a child. (Played by Ron Howard’s brother Clint when he was seven years old.) Zoom in on his smiling face. Oh, but it’s not really his voice, just someone with a higher timbre than the dummy voice. Clint is very careful with his lip movements, and the sync is excellent. Oh, my God, it’s wonderful! He serves them a beverage (Tranya!), playing a gracious little host. He’s bald with overgrown eyebrows and large fake teeth, but he acts past it! (Oh, no! Those are his real teeth. He’s started his adult teeth in that child face, which is why they look strange.) Tranya, judging by the reactions, is delicious.
So charming! Balok was testing them with the distress signal. And he laughs when he explains the dummy: “You’d have never been frightened by me.” He runs the whole ship, even the big sphere, by himself. But he’s lonely. “Perhaps one of your men . . .”
(Ah, the incongruent Bailey finally shows his purpose.)
NINE
Very bad zoom as Bailey smiles and says, “I’d like to volunteer.” Balok gives a huge, filling-showing, laugh. He’s such a happy spirit. He takes Kirk’s hand and leads him to show off his vessel, just a boy sharing his adventure with an adult. An innocent end, sweet and gentle.
CRITICAL NOTES
Twice, with no reason whatsoever, we have Janice enter a scene and serve food. A yeoman on a starship is given the tasks of a secretary. It’s utterly ridiculous writing, and our Basket Head is worthy of so much more, but I see why she’s there. They were unconsciously trying to hit a Three/Six. She would’ve been a great choice (although giving her a more important job would’ve been welcome), but they missed the placement. Her calm, the sense of normality and of a ship’s functioning during a time of turmoil, would’ve served beautifully as a Three/Six mirror. Alas.
Instead, we have nothing. The Seven-Eight-Nine are a joy to watch, but the launchpad of the Six is missing. It’s all Five stuff prior to Kirk’s decision to help the alien.
The absence of a Three is the true disaster to this story structure. My immediate reaction while watching, that the plot can finally roll after Kirk gets dressed, shows that lack. Although it’s hilarious to me to watch the Kirk-has-no-shirt trope, that section is purposeless. It’s like the writer wanted to show life on board a starship, which is interesting, but forgot a backbone to hang it on. We have a Two and an Eight — the alien mystery — and an acceptable Switch related to that, but the rest of the episode meanders. Even the character details, the interplay between Bones and Kirk, don’t hit because they feel too random. Who would’ve thought that little Clint, still acting today with a great catalog of work, incidentally, would be the lure to rewatch this episode?