ARRGH

Just a few complaints from yours truly. See Critical Notes after the breakdown.

ONE

Mr. Krabs with a spyglass peruses the area outside the Krusty Krab door. Ah, no customers in sight.

TWO

From inside, Spongebob gives an excited yell. He and Patrick look down at eight gold doubloons. Mr. K hurries over, lol, and pounces. Oh, it’s just a board game. They play “The Flying Dutchman’s Treasure Hunt,” based on a real treasure map, Patrick says.

Did they clean off the tables already? And did they clean the gum off the underside? Cut to Spongebob and Patrick chewing and blowing bubbles. (Ack.) Well, Mr. K agrees to play.

THREE

Game antics. (It looks like fun!) Mr. K gets to dig for treasure with a leetle shovel, and becomes way too excited about the tiny treasure chest. 

FOUR

A fish customer comes in and Krabs tosses him back outside. Let’s play again.

Dissolve to the KK at night.

Patrick sleeps on the table and Spongebob has eye bags. As fresh as ever, Krabs wants to play again, but Spongebob hoists Patrick and heads home.

Cut to Spongebob entering his pineapple home. When he enters, he startles and flips on the light. Krabs, shaking the dice, sits at his table. Spongebob protests, pushing him out the door, but Krabs is everywhere. Yelling, Spongebob says, “It’s just a game.” Mr. K leaves.

SWITCH

Dissolve to day. Inside, Spongebob sleeps. From outside, Krabs rings a bell and wakes him. 

FIVE

He’s on a ship parked in the road. He’s offering a real treasure hunt and he’s dressed as a pirate. That gets Spongebob’s enthusiasm back up. Patrick appears from nowhere and the boys prepare to board.

Krabs tosses a bag of pirate gear at them. Well, they’re still not cool, but they’re having fun.

And they’re off. Patrick rows the small ship, Krabs stands at the navigation wheel with the map, and Spongebob’s in the crow’s nest. We’re close to the first landmark. Spongebob, excited, wants to see the map, but Krabs tucks it away.

He instructs Spongebob how to talk: Pirates say “Arrgh.” While he and Patrick try to use the lingo, sticking in “arrgh” after every other word, they end up running into a hill.

The treasure hunt will continue on foot. They follow clues that aren’t really clues, and wander as if they know what they’re doing. When Spongebob and Patrick say they’re hungry and tired, Krabs shames them for their weakness, and in the end all three of them are crying. Oh, Krabs’ tears are fake.

Night, and they’re camped. Well, a large tent seems to be for Captain Krabs, because the other two shiver on the ground. They have a loyalty contest, and in order to prove how strong they are, they go to Krabs. Only, the tent is empty with the treasure map rolled on the desk. They’re not supposed to look at it, but they manage to sneak a peek. Both of them freeze. The treasure map is their game board. As they’re taking it in, Krabs appears. He accuses them of thinking he’s crazy.

SIX

As they bow and scrape, moving backwards, they end up hovering right over a large red X on the ground. Very excited, they start to dig.

And there’s actually a chest at the bottom of the hole! With treasure inside! Patrick and Spongebob start to talk about how they’ll spend their shares.

SEVEN

Lol, Krabs slams the lid shut. It’s HIS treasure. 

EIGHT

A tug of war ensues. As they argue, the camera pivots upward. The ghostly green Dutchman’s ship hovers overhead. Inside, the Dutchman sleeps in his bunk! When the noise awakens him, he sticks his head out the porthole to complain. Down below, the three of them still pull at the chest.

Lightning flashes and a large shadow covers them. They look up to see his ghostly green largeness. Who dug up the Dutchman’s treasure? A beat, and then Krabs tosses the chest at the other two. The Dutchman plucks his chest from them and calls them scallywags. Spongebob and Patrick weep and shiver, holding onto each other.

You saved me a lot of trouble, the Dutchman says, and gives them a reward. “Two gold doubloons!”

Krabs complains. The Dutchman gives him a small plastic treasure chest. “Nothing!”

NINE

And then the Dutchman disappears. 

CRITICAL NOTES

Let me first say that any episode with the Flying Dutchman is a winner. And who doesn’t love a treasure hunt?

However, (lol, here come the complaints) the One is only notional. Krabs is bored? Business is slow and no money comes in? It’s okay, it works, but it’s vague.

The Two has to land the gum joke, which makes it too long. I know that our boys have strange boundaries, but is the episode helped in any way by watching them chew used gum?

The Three and Six — digging up treasure — is completely charming. Well done.

The Four is disproportionally short. Spongebob has a backbone and tells Krabs no! It actually feels weird. I wonder if other comedic bits could work here if Spongebob gradually became more tired instead of standing strong right away.

As a result, the Five goes long. I love that Krabs is so obsessed that he tricks the boys into following a game board. (Who hasn’t felt the gamer pull, I ask you?) The bits here feel unfocused, though. Why must they dress and say “arrgh”? It’s a cartoon, but still give me a consistent motivation from Mr. Krabs.

Then we have that very sweet Eight. A little chorus, probably two women, sing a repetition of the Dutchman’s actions with that treasure. (“Two gold doubloons!” Nothing!”) It’s so surprising and perfect.