ONE
A beachfront scene and the sign “Welcome to Goo Lagoon”. (The eternal mystery of how an underwater location has a shore is best not questioned.)
TWO
Oops, there goes the sign, dug up by a tractor. Yes! It’s Plankton driving!
THREE
With a bullhorn he announces that all beachgoers are trespassing on the future site of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket as he places his own sign.
FOUR
Hahaha! A high-pitched buzz is what the fish on beach towels hear. Plankton threatens to bulldoze everyone. A child fish picks up his tractor like a toy and drops it almost on Plankton’s head.
He rants, and then admits he’s small. He needs someone BIG to clear away these cretins. Dodge! Spongebob, in swim togs, almost steps on him.
Spongebob tries to order an ice cream from the vendor, but other fish jump the line. Defeated, he walks away and hears Plankton crying on a bench. He’s sad, weeping, because he has two cones and only needs one. (Haha! His little evil machinations crack me up.)
Cut to way-too-long a sequence of Spongebob licking the ice cream. Finally Plankton breaks out the bullhorn.
Plankton offers to train him to be more assertive so he can get everything he wants. Like that ice cream cone. (Well, it’s true that Spongebob lost a cone because he was too passive . . .) When Spongebob agrees, Plankton goes into a fit of reverberated chortling.
As they laugh, a large fish walks up and sits on Spongebob. Lesson Number One, Plankton announces. Assert yourself! Spongebob asks very nicely for the fish to move, which it does. But, no! You must be aggressive, Plankton admonishes.
They chase after the eel that took the vendor’s last ice cream. Assert yourself! Spongebob says, “That’s my cone.” Plankton scowls and flexes his little fist: “Now let him have it!” “You can have it,” Spongebob says pleasantly to the eel. (I should’ve seen that one coming, but I didn’t. It made me laugh.)
Frustrated, Plankton jumps into Spongebob’s mouth and uses him like a ventriloquist’s dummy. He yells at the eel, demanding the cone back. Crying, the eel throws the ice cream in Spongebob’s face and runs away. Spongebob, with Plankton still on his tongue, lisps that the eel was sad. No, Plankton says, those were tears of joy because you were assertive. (Hahaha! His villainous commitment is funny.)
Bubble-wipe to later. Spongebob uses a metal detector. When another fish asks to borrow it, Spongebob says yes. Lesson Number Two! Be aggressive.
They go through a couple of bits of Spongebob being “aggressive”, lol.
SWITCH
Finally, Plankton packs a little suitcase, ready to give up. He offers Spongebob one last chance. Go get a tan.
FIVE
Standing among the sunbathers, Spongebob shakes out his towel for a long time. Sand goes everywhere and fish scatter. Plankton’s plan worked! He praises Spongebob, who has no idea what he did.
They glance over at the Snack Bar. A line of fish get hot dogs. Assert yourself! This time Spongebob rolls out his tongue, scoops up all the hot dogs, and swallows. Fish droop, leaving.
Now Plankton points out all the kite fliers blocking Spongebob’s view. Plucking out one of his buck teeth, Spongebob uses it like a boomerang and cuts all the kite lines. Eyebrows frowning, Spongebob laughs like a villain. Larry the Lobster, playing team volleyball, asks Spongebob to throw back the ball. Spongebob squeezes, popping it, then turns into . . . an elephant? Well, he waves a yellow trunk and bellows. Larry and the rest scuff away.
The beach is deserted. Spongebob asks if Plankton saw him act like an alpha male, but he’s not around. Here he comes in his tractor. Sad, Spongebob says everyone’s gone.
SIX
Plankton gives an evil giggle and places a Mega Bucket sign on the beach.
SEVEN
Spongebob understands now.
EIGHT
He basically reverses everything, returning the hot dogs (eww) and kites.
Haha, Spongebob wipes sand from a little girl’s ice cream by batting it with his eyelashes. “Butterfly kisses,” Plankton moans. “It’s too cute!”
A fish cries over a busted surfboard, and Spongebob stiffens into a replacement. “Your kindness is bringing everybody back,” Plankton wails. Of course, the returning fish stampede right over Plankton. When Spongebob apologizes for ruining the Chum Bucket plan, Plankton curls up into a ball. Too much kindness. “Need hatred.”
NINE
As Plankton rolls away, Spongebob turns himself into a volleyball and calls for a game.
CRITICAL NOTES
Well, this is how it’s done, folks. What a tidy gem.
The Two Trouble is the introduction of Plankton, who is defeated at the Eight. The Three/Six mirror is the Mega Bucket sign. The Seven is Spongebob’s realization he’s been duped, and his unspoken decision to change that. And the Switch is the divider between Good Spongebob and Bad Spongebob. At the end of it all, the Nine, the Goo Lagoon world is back to where it should be, with Plankton slinking away.
I really didn’t need to see Spongebob’s tongue unroll with all those hot dogs, though. Haha!