Author: KA Byrnes

NICK CAGE, FOUR

Just because Nicolas Cage plays himself in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent doesn’t mean that this character is the same as the real man. Any discussion of his Enneagram assumes that Cage is much too good to give us a simple version of who he is. This Nick is a mash-up of possibly real characteristics and all the heroes he’s played on film. It is, unsurprisingly, a delicious performance.

So who is Nick?

He’s intensely committed to acting. He insists on giving a line reading to a prospective director, terrifying him. He thrives on jobs that interest him rather than paycheck gigs. However, he’s broke from living in a high-priced hotel. (When Nick became divorced and moved out of his home is unclear.) In order to pay his bills, he agrees to perform for one million dollars at a birthday party on a private island.

So, lol, not a One (no money acuity). Not a Six (no worries), not a Nine (loves conflict), not a Five (too risk-oriented).

When he arrives he’s approached by the CIA. He’s the only one who can get onto Javi’s island, and they suspect a kidnapped girl is held there. That means he plays a double game during his visit. The ease with which he lies to his host suggests he’s not a Two.

Although he loves his work and is a master craftsman, Nick is probably not a Three. Too intense, too variable in his success.

If you’re keeping track, we’re left with Four, Seven, and Eight. I want to jump immediately to Four. Although all of those numbers can be intense, Nick is pretty extreme. Nicolas Cage’s career is defined by how volatile his characters are. I think I know already what Javi is, and their friendship is the surprising treasure of this movie. Four is going to be a good choice for Nick.

NEMO, SEVEN

An independent child, Nemo (as in Little Nemo from the classic cartoons of Winsor McCay) is left alone at the lighthouse with her father’s full trust. She loves stories and dreams, basically creating her real life into the tales her father tells her at bedtime.

I honestly don’t need to delve very far to see a Seven. Her competency and confidence, her imagination and lucid dreaming, and her determination to macgyver a way back to her father after she’s sent to live with Uncle Philip speak of an innovative Head Type. Fear will not stop her and despair will not rule her. Also, her lack of balance and reason, her willingness to go to the edge of safety and sanity, call out as the Seven’s dark side. She feels consistently written and is a pleasure to watch as our heroine.

We also have a sweetness in knowing that Nemo and Philip are both Head Types. Although the beginning of their relationship is tragic and painful, they will be fine together. They will come to understand each other. The Enneagram tells us so.

And one more thing I must mention. Nemo has a stuffed pig toy she sleeps with in the real world. In slumberland, the pig is alive and the animation is some of the most wonderful CG work. I am biased toward cuddly pigs, but this is an empirically adorable creature. 

I will not, however, be checking its Enneagram.

FRANK CROSS, THREE

Well, this is a portrayal for the ages. Every miserly instinct is here, and yet our Scrooge is sympathetic, too. It’s not easy to write, direct, and act such an update to a beloved story. Scrooged has become a classic in its own right.

Should we look at younger Frank, working diligently during the office Christmas party? What about Frank in the Frisbee costume? His ambition makes him surly to Claire, and he doesn’t even recognize she’s suggesting a separation. In the present day, he sends his only brother a towel rather than the VHS. He has no life, and never had one. Remember when Christmas Past teases him about the TV shows that Frank mistakes for real life moments?

A hard worker. An Envy person, judging by his reaction to Brice Cummings, the LA sleaze trying to replace him.

We’re looking at a dark Three. He’s always known where his interests and talents lie. He’s let his personal life become small and mean, which reflects into his business life, but no one doubts his competency. This is how, at the climax, he can step into a live broadcast without timidity and dominate an improvisational finale. He’s become the light Three, loved and admired by everyone.

CLAIRE PHILLIPS, TWO

This is the Isabelle, the lost fiancee, of Scrooged, played by the blindingly appealing Karen Allen. In this version, though, Scrooge gets the girl after all.

Claire is absolutely a Heart Type. Her work at the outreach shelter is very giving, very charitable. It’s more than a job for her. These are her core beliefs.

A Two, of course.

Her beauty is part of that. Claire is portrayed as the sweetest woman on the planet. This is a role that could’ve become only a stereotype or a Null. Allen, with her trusting expression, makes Claire a Two. In the Christmas Future nightmare, Claire is cold and cruel, the opposite of her character. When Allen closes off her openness and vulnerability, Claire becomes an anti-Two. It’s a consistent performance.

GRACE COOLEY, THREE

This is the Cratchit of Scrooged. She is a loyal employee; quitting is never suggested, even though her boss treats her terribly. A widow, she is the sole breadwinner of a large family. Her Tiny Tim isn’t physically endangered, but mentally. The trauma of his father’s death has turned him mute. And she is as cheerful and optimistic in the face of all this as the original Bob.

Efficient, uncomplaining, and caring. What Enneagram is Grace?

She’s shown doing nothing physical, so let’s assume she’s not a Body Type. I think we want to go with Heart. Although she performs her duty, she’s sympathetic to the firing of Eliot Loudermilk. She also ribs Cross a bit about his Christmas present list, towel vs. VCR. Her comfort with social skills suggests a Two, Three, or Four.

What about a Three? She’s liked by everyone, even her scrooge-y boss. She’s competent at work and manages a complicated family situation well. She’s indomitable, straightforward, and unintimidated. Yes.

Mickey’s Christmas Carol

When I wrote my own version of Dickens’ classic I also had this charming short film in mind. Believe it or not, it’s one of the better adaptations in terms of being true to the original while bringing a unique flavor.

ONE

Credits roll over sepia drawings. A page of Victorian London transitions into a moving shot that finds Scrooge walking along a snow-covered street. The Big Bad Wolf in a Santa suit rings a bell while the Three Little Pigs sing a carol. (Recognizing Disney characters is part of the fun.)

Scrooge (McDuck, of course) gives a “Bah!” when asked to donate to the poor. He arrives outside his Counting House and acknowledges that Marley is dead. He also establishes his miserliness (albeit, a cartoon take on it). 

TWO

Entering, he catches Mickey Cratchit trying to place one coal into the cold stove. Denied the chance to heat the room, Mickey asks for a half day tomorrow as it’s Christmas.

(The film is so good at showing all the meanness while making it light for children. Scrooge is horrible and Cratchit is pitiable, as they should be, yet this version gets us to laugh, too.)

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