Author: KA Byrnes

PIZZA DELIVERY

ONE

It’s the Krusty Krab. Spongebob wipes the tables while Squidward tells him to hurry. They’re closed.

TWO

Dunh-dunh! The telephone rings. Mr. Krabs takes the receiver away from Squidward. Someone wants pizza! Mr. Krabs whirls a platter of Krabby Patties into a pizza, which gets whirled into a box. 

THREE

Squidward will deliver, and he must take Spongebob with him. This actually is a Squidward episode. He only wants to go home after work. He’s not trying to avoid Spongebob or annoy him, or any of the usual plot lines. He’s just a dude who’s put in a full day.

FOUR

A boat/car. Is this Squidward’s? No, it can’t be. Is this Krabs’? Everyone knows Spongebob can’t drive, so why is Squid in the passenger seat? He appears to know how to drive, yet he’s not behind the wheel. Since when would he trust Spongebob at this?

Okay, you must have guessed by now that this episode of our beloved Spongebob is a bit . . . fraught with problems.

But let’s accept that the Krusty Krab will make a magical pizza that must then be delivered by a boat/car handled by someone who one episode ago couldn’t drive. Indeed, Spongebob speeds backward, panic-driving in reverse until he’s in the middle of nowhere.

SWITCH?

This may be a Switch. It’s too early in the episode, so probably not. The boat/car runs out of gas and strands our two employees. Or does it? Squidward, frustrated, hits the car and it drives away.

FIVE?

Now our team is on foot, walking to deliver this pizza. An underwater wind storm fights their progress; a rock with moss may show the direction to town (it does, but Squidward refuses to accept Spongebob’s “pioneer” logic).

Throughout this, Spongebob is peppy, singing and dancing.

SWITCH?

And then, he isn’t. The team droops. Their heads steam with exhaustion. This is a definite change, but it’s so late in the story.

FIVE?

The pizza is shiny, and then a large rock becomes motive and drives them right to the customer’s house.

Uh, wut?

The customer fish asks for his drink, which they don’t have. Angry, the fish throws the pizza and Spongebob breaks down in a puddle of tears.

SIX

Squidward, in a moment of genuine sympathy, asks Spongebob if he’s okay.

Told you this was a Squiddie episode. Since when is Squidward moved by Spongebob’s disappointment? They are an actual team, formed at the Three, and they have each other’s back.

SEVEN

Squid decides to approach the customer house.

EIGHT

Knocking, he tells the customer that the pizza is “on the house”. He then smashes it into the customer’s face. Returning to Spongebob, he says that the customer ate the pizza in one bite.

NINE

They drive the rock back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward realizes he’s at work, the one place he wanted to leave at the beginning of the episode. In this regard, Squid gets the Nine he always gets. Even though he was more of a friend, someone who owned the Eight, he’s still thwarted or punished in the end.

So, I’m quite curious: do serious Spongebob fans like this episode? I barely remember it, which certainly is a statement. I would argue (of course I would) that the muddled Enneagram at the Switch reduces the fun of this episode. Where is the midpoint? What changes at the Switch? Why (the eternal question) is Squidward nice?

Interesting, naturally. Even the best, the most beloved, and the tightest crafted show can fail once and a while.

SKINNY SANTA, ONE

That moment when you see Santa — Santa Claus! — tell Rudolph he’s not good enough because of a physical difference you’re devastated. THIS IS THE SANTA! He’s all good, all loving (like God) and all forgiving. Why is this Santa so petty and mean?

Usually Santa is more of an avatar. This Santa is a character. Let’s pursue his Enneagram number.

Well, and I’m cracking up, this Santa is hungry. Or, he’s not hungry. He’s just an ascetic, which is totally wrong for a Santa. Mrs. Claus says, “Eat, papa, eat. No one likes a skinny Santa.”

WHY ISN’T SANTA ROLY POLY? Everything about this version is . . . Not Santa. Every year, according to this story, Santa lives lean until the last couple of weeks when he overeats. This is a very conflicted, eating-disordered Santa.

One. I mean, I go immediately to One. Skinny, energetic Santa who only gives in to the requirement of his job at the last minute is a One. Santa who tsks at Rudolph’s nose because it’s not up to some random standard that Santa himself made out of whole cloth is a One. And when he must grovel to Rudolph and ask for his help, he does it with dignity. One.

Also, the Pole is super efficient. One.

Scrooge, page 21

Next to Boy Scrooge is a figure in exotic garments, an axe in
his belt, and leading a wood-laden donkey.

ALI BABA

Ready to look for hidden treasure,
young Master Ebenezer?

REVERSE to Scrooge. His delight causes Past to stop and
stare.

SCROOGE

And Robinson Crusoe! My imaginary
friends were a comfort to me. I had
forgotten!

ROBINSON CRUSOE, with a parrot on his shoulder, kneels down
to look Boy Scrooge in the eye.

Continue reading “Scrooge, page 21”

HERMEY, SIX

“I want to be . . . a dentist.” After years of watching Hermey I accept his reality, but think about how weird this was the first time you heard it. The North Pole and dentistry seem so unrelated. Sweets and Santa, though: the writer’s thought process is clever. Of course the land of sugar has tooth decay. I’m impressed.

You’ve written an outcast, someone as misplaced as Rudolph. That’s lovely. And he’s a good egg, a solid friend. And when they must go against the Abominable, Hermey is brave (oink oink) and competent. He’s also very resolute. The Head Elf is stern and intimidating, yet Hermey sticks to his guns.

Great character! What is he?

A Six. This is why he and Rudolph are a good partnership. The world is black and white to Hermey. He could go along to get along. The elf gig is good. His principles, though, his determination, won’t let him acquiesce. Also, his bravery is tied to helping his friends. A Six is so loyal that their natural fear will be put aside if someone needs them.

BOATING SCHOOL

ONE

Here’s our pineapple neighborhood. Spongebob sleeps until his alarm goes off with that foghorn boom.

TWO

Spongebob says, “This is it, Gary!” as his bed catapults him into his giant calendar. Splat into: Boating Exam Today. He’s clearly excited about this event. “I’m ready!”

THREE

Outside on a unicycle he rides around Squidward’s house with his “I’m ready.” Obviously, this neighbor couldn’t care less about Spongebob’s day.

FOUR

It’s Mrs. Puff’s Boating School! Yay!

Spongebob’s ready! He’s so ready he throws his unicycle into the garbage bin. Won’t need that anymore!

We get Mrs. Puff’s POV through a porthole window. “I’m NOT ready.”

As Mrs. Puff expects, Spongebob aces the oral exam. Now it’s the driving portion.

Oh, you know how wonderful this is. Spongebob asks if he should floor it. Mrs. Puff says, “No, don’t floor it!” “Floor it? Okay!” And they crash. Mrs. Puff expands, as pufferfish do, and in a deep voice says, “Whyyyyy?”

SWITCH

The pineapple house at night. Spongebob in bed talks to Gary. He doesn’t know why he goes crazy behind the wheel, but he’s failed 37 times.

Help comes in the form of Patrick on the walkie talkie. Problem, buddy? 

FIVE

With Patrick involved, we’re now in the Five. He pushes the walkie talkie receiver into Spongebob’s head and covers the antenna with a ten-gallon hat. Using a giant telescope, Patrick watches the driving exam and coaches Spongebob.

Mrs. Puff is pleasantly astonished at Spongebob’s clean driving. Musical montage of Spongebob handling the boat like a pro as he cruises through the course.

And then Mrs. Puff makes a joke about Spongebob having a radio under his hat. That would be cheating, though. “I’m . . . cheating?” Uh-oh.

SIX

We see Patrick, upset, run home. I don’t think he has the moral sophistication to know what cheating is. All he knows is that Spongebob spoiled the fun.

These — at the Three and Six — are Spongebob’s neighbors. It’s actually not a great Three/Six mirror, but it does go from the flippant neighbor at the Three to the helpful neighbor at the Six. Neither can save him, though.

SEVEN

Yards away from the Finish Line Spongebob veers off and drives crazy again. 

EIGHT

“It’s alright! you can cheat!” yells Mrs. Puff, pointing. “Cheat that way!”

And the offscreen crash. Again Mrs. Puff expands and says, “Whyyyy?”

NINE

Gary has the unicycle, which he saved from the garbage. Away they go, Gary riding on Spongebob’s head.

RUDOLPH, NINE

Now we’re really getting Christmas-y!

He’s so sweet-natured he breaks your heart. Even 50 years ago when this movie first came out, his dad Donner and Santa struck us as cruel. His nose is odd so he’s socially rejected. Talk about an underdog story!

Rudolph is quite non-judgmental, possibly because he has been judged so harshly by others. Another possibility is that he is naturally kind. He makes friends easily with those outside of the reindeer competitive milieu. And when he befriends someone, he fights for them. Clarice against the Abominable, the Misfit Toys . . . he’s as loyal as you could wish.

He can really fly. He’s the best at the tryouts. Does this mean Body Type? His kindness — his sense that cruelty is wrong and he won’t engage in it — has been leading me toward Six. He certainly isn’t an Eight. He’s much too resigned with the injustice of the workshop. And he’s not a One. That quick wit and energy are missing.

Another Nine? Yes. It’s the refusal to engage in conflict, the running away. He lives in Six, his weakness number, until finding his strength. It’s the Harry Potter and T’Challa motif again. Soft-hearted hero keeps us waiting for a lot of the story, and then they bring the power. We know all along that the payoff will be great. He leads the sleigh team! Everyone who was mean to him apologizes and admits their mistake. Justice. That’s how you make a classic.

OX AND MIDGE, NULL

I don’t know if these two have enough screentime to rate Enneagram numbers, but I so wanted to write their names! So great!

Also, if Ox and Midge don’t have separate numbers, do they combine to form one number as a storytelling shortcut?

Their invitation of Lucy is so cooperative. Midge extends the plan and Ox sells it. As of yet I haven’t looked at the Storytelling Enneagram of this film. I’m going to guess, though, that since the Eight is the thwarted wedding — Lucy’s relationship with Ox and Midge reaches a cumulative point — that the Two would be the introduction of them. They are a team: Peter’s Family. We see more of Ox because he and Jack must resolve their work relationship. Midge has a small presence but she kills it during the time she’s given.

Midge. Small. Ack — sorry. Also, here’s an eternal question: why does ANYONE need to inspect Peter’s testicles? Not the question I thought I’d write when I woke this morning.

I don’t think these two characters had Enneagrams in the script. I think the director cast these two and said, “Work your magic.” And they did. I will argue, though, that the success of the Two/Eight in the story is due to choices this team made. They knew their job, the weight on their shoulders, and delivered the beats.