Author: KA Byrnes

RUDOLPH, NINE

Now we’re really getting Christmas-y!

He’s so sweet-natured he breaks your heart. Even 50 years ago when this movie first came out, his dad Donner and Santa struck us as cruel. His nose is odd so he’s socially rejected. Talk about an underdog story!

Rudolph is quite non-judgmental, possibly because he has been judged so harshly by others. Another possibility is that he is naturally kind. He makes friends easily with those outside of the reindeer competitive milieu. And when he befriends someone, he fights for them. Clarice against the Abominable, the Misfit Toys . . . he’s as loyal as you could wish.

He can really fly. He’s the best at the tryouts. Does this mean Body Type? His kindness — his sense that cruelty is wrong and he won’t engage in it — has been leading me toward Six. He certainly isn’t an Eight. He’s much too resigned with the injustice of the workshop. And he’s not a One. That quick wit and energy are missing.

Another Nine? Yes. It’s the refusal to engage in conflict, the running away. He lives in Six, his weakness number, until finding his strength. It’s the Harry Potter and T’Challa motif again. Soft-hearted hero keeps us waiting for a lot of the story, and then they bring the power. We know all along that the payoff will be great. He leads the sleigh team! Everyone who was mean to him apologizes and admits their mistake. Justice. That’s how you make a classic.

OX AND MIDGE, NULL

I don’t know if these two have enough screentime to rate Enneagram numbers, but I so wanted to write their names! So great!

Also, if Ox and Midge don’t have separate numbers, do they combine to form one number as a storytelling shortcut?

Their invitation of Lucy is so cooperative. Midge extends the plan and Ox sells it. As of yet I haven’t looked at the Storytelling Enneagram of this film. I’m going to guess, though, that since the Eight is the thwarted wedding — Lucy’s relationship with Ox and Midge reaches a cumulative point — that the Two would be the introduction of them. They are a team: Peter’s Family. We see more of Ox because he and Jack must resolve their work relationship. Midge has a small presence but she kills it during the time she’s given.

Midge. Small. Ack — sorry. Also, here’s an eternal question: why does ANYONE need to inspect Peter’s testicles? Not the question I thought I’d write when I woke this morning.

I don’t think these two characters had Enneagrams in the script. I think the director cast these two and said, “Work your magic.” And they did. I will argue, though, that the success of the Two/Eight in the story is due to choices this team made. They knew their job, the weight on their shoulders, and delivered the beats.

NAUGHTY NAUTICAL NEIGHBORS

ONE

We appear to see Squidward reclining on a beach at sunset. Nope, it’s a souffle he’s made with a little model of himself on top. The best souffle he’s ever created! He wears a chef’s hat and apron and the table is set for one. Dashing away, clothes flying, he returns in formal wear with a middle-part toupee.

This is our first time seeing Squiddie in his fancy outfit. The hair is comedic genius.

TWO

As he prepares to sit, giggling is heard. Frowning, looking about, returning to the cake, and . . .  there it is again. Giggling.

THREE

Squid goes to his window and looks out. Uh-oh. He’s engaged with the world outside just by observing it.

FOUR

Spongebob and Patrick, holding bubble wands, sit across from each other on Squid’s front walkway. Blowing a bubble, Spongebob whispers into it. Off it floats, pops at Patrick, and says, “Hi, Patrick.” Pat, delighted, giggles and sends a whisper-bubble back to Spongebob.

Squidward in a huff pours his souffle liquid into the teacup and whips it up to a froth. I didn’t know that souffle had a liquid bottom residue. That’s gross, dude.

While Pat and Spongebob whisper-bubble that they’re best friends, Squid blows an angry bubble which kicks the Spongebob nice bubble away. (Literally. The bubble grows a foot.) Floating down from the window, the misshapen angry-bubble tells Patrick he’s dumb.

Patrick, sad, blows a bubble back to Spongebob that asks, “Really?” “Of course.”

You get the gist. Mischief and hurt feelings and misunderstanding. Squidward sits in a lawn chair eating his cake, laughing over the whole yelling argument.

SWITCH

Spongebob and Patrick separate and go home. Spongebob, disgusted, says, “Tarter sauce!” and Patrick slams his rock closed. (Tartar sauce! Yay! First usage.)

FIVE

Laughing and eating, Squidward starts to choke with his fork stuck sideways in his neck. Patrick leaps over and rescues him. Now they’re friends. (“Friennnnd.”)

Spongebob’s devastated, but eventually finds an opening where he can save Squid, too. (Sparkly eyes. “Friennnnd.”) After a little more helpful treatment, Squidward can take no more.

SIX

He screeches and runs away. He is now actively disengaging with the world.

SEVEN

Hiding in a trashcan Squidward decides he must get the two friends back together.

EIGHT

He throws them a dinner party and serves them fizzy soda. All we see throughout this is the hands holding glasses as they compete for more pop. Squidward, out of soda, leaves them alone. Now they are revealed to us.

Misshapen and plump from all the gas, they start to burp and hiccup, which gives them the giggles. The Easter Island Head house expands.

Not noticing that his house is bulging, Squid returns and reaches for his key. The whole head shakes from an internal eruption. When Squid opens the door, the house is destroyed. Only the door in its jamb remains. The friends are finally back together. He immediately kicks them out.

NINE

When he slams the door behind them, a bubble knocks it over and it flattens him.

JACK, NINE

The black sheep brother. The good son. He’s adult enough to live separately from his parents, yet connected enough to visit often. He can’t say no to helping dad in the family business, although he’s successful enough at furniture craftsmanship to go out on his own.

Jack is at a crossroads when Lucy enters his life. Is his nature, like Lucy’s, a driver for his story? Actually, I would say not. He is a support role. His character reacts, not acts. (Poor Bill Pullman! The meme of his career!)

There for everyone but never taking charge. Nine.

He’s so congenial to everyone, yet also protective of his family. He’s a judge, weighing this new person. And . . . he will not fight for her. Partly, he is loyal to his family. However, he also will not go to battle for what he wants. Nines and conflict, you know. Lucy waits for him to speak up. Eventually her own conscience must object. Jack was never going to stop the wedding; his objection is only voiced after Lucy has taken the big risk.

A Two Woman-Nine Man relationship can lead to trouble. She’s too accommodating for someone who should slay his own dragons. So, what do you think? Do Lucy and Jack succeed at lifelong marriage? Ha! That is beyond the scope of this movie.

You watch Sleeping the first time for the romance story. You rewatch it for the family interactions and the character bits. These mashed potatoes are so creamy.

PETER, FOUR

Successful. Utterly self-centered. Breezy.

Like Lucy, Peter’s nature drives his story. He’s selfish. Oh, it’s too delicious! This is a happy movie, so the unlikable character is in a coma throughout most of it. When he wakes up, the script gives him a diagnosis of amnesia. All of his negative traits become fodder for humor as he tries to prove that he can remember his life.

Needless to say, he’s portrayed beautifully. To play someone so shallow and yet to make him so funny is difficult.

So, what Enneagram is he? Professionally he’s incredibly successful. That suggests a Three, except that he’s so socially dense. Threes know how to take a room’s temperature.

He’s a Four. It’s the sartorial flair. (“Are those my shoes?”)  He’s a charming jerk, self-absorbed, yet able to navigate the corporate milieu. You have to like a Man Four; you can’t help it, even when their nasty bits are showing. It’s so Peter.

LUCY, TWO

If you look beyond Bullock’s charisma, who is Lucy? Nice, helpful, sensitive. Is she observant? She notices that Peter gives up his seat on the train, but she also fails to notice that Peter is a schmuck. She has few friends — a work colleague only — yet she can immediately connect with Peter’s family and be liked by them. She’s very lonely.

I’m pointing toward Heart Type. Feelings drive her, even to rescuing a stranger on the train tracks and following him to the emergency room to make sure he’s okay. Anyone can be lonely, but a Head Type would’ve probably extricated herself before the confusion went too far. A Heart Type is, frankly, more careful about hurting others’ feelings, which is how Lucy ends up in a pickle. It’s really a great gimmick and a very fun, rewatchable movie.

Sentimental objects (the golden world lamp, the Florence snow globe) and bottled-up dreams . . . Two. Their giving impulse keeps them from treating themselves sometimes. Lucy is so very kind — working the Christmas shift, allowing Joe Junior in her closet, partnering up with Saul — even seeing good in Peter after getting to know how shallow he is. Her generosity is basically the movie’s antagonist: all the conflict comes from her behavior. They’re good instincts, though, which makes this a lovely Christmas film.

PLANKTON!

ONE

Bubbles swoosh by, and there’s the Krusty Krab. Squidward in voiceover asks Spongebob to make a Krabby Patty. Inside, Squid watches Spongebob cook.

TWO

One by one the ingredients for a Patty pass in through Spongebob’s spongey holes. When they’re all in, Spongebob shakes himself to mix, and magically pulls the completed burger out from under Squid’s nose. The Krabby Patty itself, and this is the first time we get a good look at it, is The Trouble.

THREE

A shiny drawing of a Krabby Patty inserts here. It’s so amazing, regular animation can’t convey its magnificence.

FOUR

The Patty starts to dance and bobble toward the door. Is it haunted?

Mr. Krabs stabs it with his foot and pulls out a magnifying glass. Ohhhh, yes! Here he is for the first time: Plankton!

He wants the Patty formula. Mr. Krabs spins him on a plate like a flying saucer and sends him back to the Chum Bucket. (The Chum Bucket!)

Later, when Spongebob walks home from work, Plankton tries to bribe and trick him into giving him a Patty. Spongebob knows, though. Sometimes he’s ridiculously innocent and naive, and sometimes, like here, he sees through the manipulation. He leaves.

SWITCH

Bedtime. Spongebob says goodnight to Gary. (“Meow.”)

FIVE

Plankton, hiding and waiting, enters Spongebob’s head (body?) through a spongey hole in order to robot control his brain. 

Yes, it’s really that eccentric and wonderful. Spongebob walks with stiff legs and does as Plankton commands while delivering a running commentary. (“You’re RIGHT, Gary!”) Walls cannot stop him. He’s in one side and out the other of the Krusty Krab, Patty in hand.

At the Chum Bucket Plankton introduces the Analyzer. Just put in the Patty and he’ll know the formula! Spongebob tries to hold on, but Plankton controls his fingers. Losing the battle, Spongebob apologizes to the Krabby Patty and recognizes its steamy goodness.

SIX

Another insert. This is a photo of a real life burger. The stakes are increased from the Three!

SEVEN

Plankton drools. And then he drops his controller and reaches for the Patty. Oh, Plankton, you maniacal, intemperate little fool.

EIGHT

Plankton falls into the Analyzer. The computer (it’s not Karen yet!) analyzes him, and then traps him in the screen.

NINE

Spongebob takes the Patty in a comforting way and heads home. Plankton helplessly rants.