CLARENCE, TWO

He’s an angel. He’s an inept angel. In the hierarchy of heavenly beings, he’s on the bottom rung.

The more I think about Clarence, the more he bugs me. He’s so twee! As a trope subverter — dufus angel — he feels very contrived. Of course this bumbling fool will find a way to save George’s soul. No competent angel could figure out how to show George the purpose of his life? All the wise angels were busy? And heaven is ordered like a first-grade classroom, with wings passed out like gold stars for getting the math quiz correct?

Whew, I had no idea poor Clarence pushed my outrage button like this!

He connects with George on an emotional and sympathetic level. Heart Type. Not a Three, obviously. (A Three on the bottom rung of the angel ladder? Puh-leaze.) He’s too gentle with George to be a Four.

Two. He has that oddball quality. Heaven is happy to have him, they just can’t figure out what to do with him yet. To devise a plan that shows such heartbreak to not only the family but the entire town, is not something a Head or Body would’ve thought up. Not in this way. The social fabric of Bedford Falls is ruined by George’s absence. That’s very Heart.

HOME SWEET PINEAPPLE

ONE

Something. A group of somethings. Worms hopping together, all saying, “Walking.”

TWO

They stop. “Hungry.” 

THREE

They swarm and consume a coral structure in two seconds. Alright, their group-minded behavior is really funny, like Finding Nemo’s seagulls. Frightening, but funny.

FOUR

“Still hungry.” There goes some fish’s boat/car. “Dang nematodes,” says the fish. Ah, a name for this being. I got them confused with the Anchovies from the first episode. #CreaturesThatSwarm

“Thirsty.” Pan camera to reveal the pineapple neighborhood. Rut-roh.

Aaaargh! They pull out straws and suck on the house! It shrinks, still a perfect pineapple. Spongebob, inside, sleeps. Gary’s food bowl shrinks and disappears. The foghorn alarm gets smaller, ringing higher, until it disappears. Only Spongebob and Gary stay their size.

The house is shrinking around them. Spongebob calls Squidward on the shell phone. It shrinks away.

Patrick opens his rock. The pineapple shrinks away, leaving Spongebob and Gary in the crater. “Nematodes.” The only thing left is “this little pebble”.

Squid and Pat see that Spongebob’s house is gone. 

Thinking Spongebob will now vacate the neighborhood, Squidward shakes his hand and wishes him well. Party streamers come from the Head window.

Spongebob pockets the “pebble”. (I know, I’ve seen it. But I still think the pebble insert would be a sufficient clue for someone watching the episode for the first time.)

SWITCH

Move back with Mom and Dad? There’s their picture as an insert! (They’re so cute.) No, we’ll build you a new house!

FIVE

Shiny, hard hat-wearing duo. With tools! No surprise, but they’re terrible at building. Montage of their hijinks. And then there’s a finished pineapple. A small one. It’s the size of a hat. And it breaks.

Now where? Rockmates with Patrick. The rock is like a shared blanket. Hahaha! Trouble, ending with Patrick dreaming of spiders and smashing the rock on Spongebob. They always give you the joke you expect, and then take it one further. And even more. Cracking up.

Squidward sleeps peacefully. He agrees to let Spongebob stay. Wait for it . . . yup. There’s the close-up of his eyes bugging out as he wakes up enough to realize what he’s said. Kicked out.

Nighttime over the ocean. Moon and island shot. Dissolve to day.

Squidward wakes up. It’s a celebration day. He’s so happy to be saying farewell to Spongebob. 

Patrick cries. Mom and Dad drive up to gather Spongebob and his bags.

SIX

Spongebob reaches in his pocket! 

Destruction vs. Creation as the Three/Six? Visually it’s a stretch, but thematically it’s quite good. A large coral and a small seed don’t seem connected at first glance. I guess you could also say that the Three is the action of a crowd and the Six is the effort of an individual. It gets even lovelier!

SEVEN

He buries the pebble in his house crater and waters it with his tears. Underground shot of the pebble absorbing the water and activating.

EIGHT

Shaking hands goodbye. Squid, still in the crater, does a dance. Intercut Patrick holding back the boat/car, the pebble glowing, and the Squiddie victory performance.

A large vine sprouts next to the crater, grows a pineapple (with windows and door), and drops it on Squidward’s head.

“My house is back!” They all go inside, happy, and step on a flattened Squidward under the floor dirt.

NINE

“I’m back forever!” says Spongebob.

Squid, still a sand figure, mumbles, “Forever?” Thwarted again, buddy.

GEORGE BAILEY, SEVEN

When I was younger I couldn’t stand to watch George beaten down by life and denied his dreams. Duty keeps him from adventure. Self-sacrifice locks him at home while his brother pursues the world. From a certain perspective this is a very painful story.

What kind of a man takes a job he hates in order to fulfill his father’s promises, marries a woman he loves although she prefers a lifestyle that repulses him, and turns to thoughts of suicide when life wearies him, as all life does?

I’m immediately distracted by tall, lanky Jimmy Stewart, who fits a specific body build. Is George a Four or a Five? I doubt it. He’s not funny enough or contemplative enough for either.

Is George a Seven? Someone who dreams big is more heartbreaking than a practical man. A One, a Three — these heroes would bring a completely different, more encouraging story. Not a Six; a Six expects to be disappointed by life. Not a Two; George sees his house as a millstone rather than a quirky mansion.

Seven, Eight, or Nine? He does save his brother’s life on the ice. Any of these numbers could accomplish this. In every other way he shows no aptitude for physical activity, so I’ll say he’s not a Body Type.

Seven it is. What other number could wish for something more, be the kind of person who could achieve steamer-trunk adventures, and yet honors his commitments? His heroism is quiet, the kind that real men can attain, but it makes for depressing storytelling.

Scrooge, page 36

A beat, and then a gentle GLOW begins to emanate from the
crack in the bed-curtains.


Soft SOUNDS begin, as well. Shuffling, blowing, swishing,
lowing. Nervous, Scrooge reaches for the curtains. Smells
assault his senses, stopping him.


A CRY, part newborn baby, part enraged animal, rings through
the apartment and Scrooge jumps back into his bed.

GENTLE VOICE
(OVER)
Ebenezer Scrooge. Come to me now.

Meek, Scrooge draws the bed-curtains and steps out.

Continue reading “Scrooge, page 36”

YUKON CORNELIUS, EIGHT

The tongue, right? Tasting his thrown axe for that sweet gold ore.

He’s so jolly! (Hey, Skinny Santa, this is how you do it.) His little doggos and his cheer, his adventurous spirit and his easygoing acceptance — who doesn’t love Yukon? He’s a little bit of a mentor, a wise man, for Rudolph and Hermey. He’s a loner, after all, and he knows how to find peace and contentment in the wild.

Who is this bearded Mountain Man?

He has gadgets and friends, a sled loaded with paraphernalia, and an open and welcoming personality. Society is an odd match for him — square peg, round hole — and his heart, when given, is 100% yours. Two?

No, wait! He’s an Eight (who moves to Two in strength). Look at that robust torso! He’s so aggressive and confident around the Abominable. And who else would tame the beast? Too funny. Only an Eight would create a very Humble Bumble.

Didn’t you just love him when you were a child? He’s brash and comfortable. But that tongue thing — and somehow tasting weird things is an Eight quality, who knew? — was always a little too far.

PIZZA DELIVERY

ONE

It’s the Krusty Krab. Spongebob wipes the tables while Squidward tells him to hurry. They’re closed.

TWO

Dunh-dunh! The telephone rings. Mr. Krabs takes the receiver away from Squidward. Someone wants pizza! Mr. Krabs whirls a platter of Krabby Patties into a pizza, which gets whirled into a box. 

THREE

Squidward will deliver, and he must take Spongebob with him. This actually is a Squidward episode. He only wants to go home after work. He’s not trying to avoid Spongebob or annoy him, or any of the usual plot lines. He’s just a dude who’s put in a full day.

FOUR

A boat/car. Is this Squidward’s? No, it can’t be. Is this Krabs’? Everyone knows Spongebob can’t drive, so why is Squid in the passenger seat? He appears to know how to drive, yet he’s not behind the wheel. Since when would he trust Spongebob at this?

Okay, you must have guessed by now that this episode of our beloved Spongebob is a bit . . . fraught with problems.

But let’s accept that the Krusty Krab will make a magical pizza that must then be delivered by a boat/car handled by someone who one episode ago couldn’t drive. Indeed, Spongebob speeds backward, panic-driving in reverse until he’s in the middle of nowhere.

SWITCH?

This may be a Switch. It’s too early in the episode, so probably not. The boat/car runs out of gas and strands our two employees. Or does it? Squidward, frustrated, hits the car and it drives away.

FIVE?

Now our team is on foot, walking to deliver this pizza. An underwater wind storm fights their progress; a rock with moss may show the direction to town (it does, but Squidward refuses to accept Spongebob’s “pioneer” logic).

Throughout this, Spongebob is peppy, singing and dancing.

SWITCH?

And then, he isn’t. The team droops. Their heads steam with exhaustion. This is a definite change, but it’s so late in the story.

FIVE?

The pizza is shiny, and then a large rock becomes motive and drives them right to the customer’s house.

Uh, wut?

The customer fish asks for his drink, which they don’t have. Angry, the fish throws the pizza and Spongebob breaks down in a puddle of tears.

SIX

Squidward, in a moment of genuine sympathy, asks Spongebob if he’s okay.

Told you this was a Squiddie episode. Since when is Squidward moved by Spongebob’s disappointment? They are an actual team, formed at the Three, and they have each other’s back.

SEVEN

Squid decides to approach the customer house.

EIGHT

Knocking, he tells the customer that the pizza is “on the house”. He then smashes it into the customer’s face. Returning to Spongebob, he says that the customer ate the pizza in one bite.

NINE

They drive the rock back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward realizes he’s at work, the one place he wanted to leave at the beginning of the episode. In this regard, Squid gets the Nine he always gets. Even though he was more of a friend, someone who owned the Eight, he’s still thwarted or punished in the end.

So, I’m quite curious: do serious Spongebob fans like this episode? I barely remember it, which certainly is a statement. I would argue (of course I would) that the muddled Enneagram at the Switch reduces the fun of this episode. Where is the midpoint? What changes at the Switch? Why (the eternal question) is Squidward nice?

Interesting, naturally. Even the best, the most beloved, and the tightest crafted show can fail once and a while.