GEORGE BAILEY, SEVEN

When I was younger I couldn’t stand to watch George beaten down by life and denied his dreams. Duty keeps him from adventure. Self-sacrifice locks him at home while his brother pursues the world. From a certain perspective this is a very painful story.

What kind of a man takes a job he hates in order to fulfill his father’s promises, marries a woman he loves although she prefers a lifestyle that repulses him, and turns to thoughts of suicide when life wearies him, as all life does?

I’m immediately distracted by tall, lanky Jimmy Stewart, who fits a specific body build. Is George a Four or a Five? I doubt it. He’s not funny enough or contemplative enough for either.

Is George a Seven? Someone who dreams big is more heartbreaking than a practical man. A One, a Three — these heroes would bring a completely different, more encouraging story. Not a Six; a Six expects to be disappointed by life. Not a Two; George sees his house as a millstone rather than a quirky mansion.

Seven, Eight, or Nine? He does save his brother’s life on the ice. Any of these numbers could accomplish this. In every other way he shows no aptitude for physical activity, so I’ll say he’s not a Body Type.

Seven it is. What other number could wish for something more, be the kind of person who could achieve steamer-trunk adventures, and yet honors his commitments? His heroism is quiet, the kind that real men can attain, but it makes for depressing storytelling.

Scrooge, page 36

A beat, and then a gentle GLOW begins to emanate from the
crack in the bed-curtains.


Soft SOUNDS begin, as well. Shuffling, blowing, swishing,
lowing. Nervous, Scrooge reaches for the curtains. Smells
assault his senses, stopping him.


A CRY, part newborn baby, part enraged animal, rings through
the apartment and Scrooge jumps back into his bed.

GENTLE VOICE
(OVER)
Ebenezer Scrooge. Come to me now.

Meek, Scrooge draws the bed-curtains and steps out.

Continue reading “Scrooge, page 36”

YUKON CORNELIUS, EIGHT

The tongue, right? Tasting his thrown axe for that sweet gold ore.

He’s so jolly! (Hey, Skinny Santa, this is how you do it.) His little doggos and his cheer, his adventurous spirit and his easygoing acceptance — who doesn’t love Yukon? He’s a little bit of a mentor, a wise man, for Rudolph and Hermey. He’s a loner, after all, and he knows how to find peace and contentment in the wild.

Who is this bearded Mountain Man?

He has gadgets and friends, a sled loaded with paraphernalia, and an open and welcoming personality. Society is an odd match for him — square peg, round hole — and his heart, when given, is 100% yours. Two?

No, wait! He’s an Eight (who moves to Two in strength). Look at that robust torso! He’s so aggressive and confident around the Abominable. And who else would tame the beast? Too funny. Only an Eight would create a very Humble Bumble.

Didn’t you just love him when you were a child? He’s brash and comfortable. But that tongue thing — and somehow tasting weird things is an Eight quality, who knew? — was always a little too far.

PIZZA DELIVERY

ONE

It’s the Krusty Krab. Spongebob wipes the tables while Squidward tells him to hurry. They’re closed.

TWO

Dunh-dunh! The telephone rings. Mr. Krabs takes the receiver away from Squidward. Someone wants pizza! Mr. Krabs whirls a platter of Krabby Patties into a pizza, which gets whirled into a box. 

THREE

Squidward will deliver, and he must take Spongebob with him. This actually is a Squidward episode. He only wants to go home after work. He’s not trying to avoid Spongebob or annoy him, or any of the usual plot lines. He’s just a dude who’s put in a full day.

FOUR

A boat/car. Is this Squidward’s? No, it can’t be. Is this Krabs’? Everyone knows Spongebob can’t drive, so why is Squid in the passenger seat? He appears to know how to drive, yet he’s not behind the wheel. Since when would he trust Spongebob at this?

Okay, you must have guessed by now that this episode of our beloved Spongebob is a bit . . . fraught with problems.

But let’s accept that the Krusty Krab will make a magical pizza that must then be delivered by a boat/car handled by someone who one episode ago couldn’t drive. Indeed, Spongebob speeds backward, panic-driving in reverse until he’s in the middle of nowhere.

SWITCH?

This may be a Switch. It’s too early in the episode, so probably not. The boat/car runs out of gas and strands our two employees. Or does it? Squidward, frustrated, hits the car and it drives away.

FIVE?

Now our team is on foot, walking to deliver this pizza. An underwater wind storm fights their progress; a rock with moss may show the direction to town (it does, but Squidward refuses to accept Spongebob’s “pioneer” logic).

Throughout this, Spongebob is peppy, singing and dancing.

SWITCH?

And then, he isn’t. The team droops. Their heads steam with exhaustion. This is a definite change, but it’s so late in the story.

FIVE?

The pizza is shiny, and then a large rock becomes motive and drives them right to the customer’s house.

Uh, wut?

The customer fish asks for his drink, which they don’t have. Angry, the fish throws the pizza and Spongebob breaks down in a puddle of tears.

SIX

Squidward, in a moment of genuine sympathy, asks Spongebob if he’s okay.

Told you this was a Squiddie episode. Since when is Squidward moved by Spongebob’s disappointment? They are an actual team, formed at the Three, and they have each other’s back.

SEVEN

Squid decides to approach the customer house.

EIGHT

Knocking, he tells the customer that the pizza is “on the house”. He then smashes it into the customer’s face. Returning to Spongebob, he says that the customer ate the pizza in one bite.

NINE

They drive the rock back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward realizes he’s at work, the one place he wanted to leave at the beginning of the episode. In this regard, Squid gets the Nine he always gets. Even though he was more of a friend, someone who owned the Eight, he’s still thwarted or punished in the end.

So, I’m quite curious: do serious Spongebob fans like this episode? I barely remember it, which certainly is a statement. I would argue (of course I would) that the muddled Enneagram at the Switch reduces the fun of this episode. Where is the midpoint? What changes at the Switch? Why (the eternal question) is Squidward nice?

Interesting, naturally. Even the best, the most beloved, and the tightest crafted show can fail once and a while.

SKINNY SANTA, ONE

That moment when you see Santa — Santa Claus! — tell Rudolph he’s not good enough because of a physical difference you’re devastated. THIS IS THE SANTA! He’s all good, all loving (like God) and all forgiving. Why is this Santa so petty and mean?

Usually Santa is more of an avatar. This Santa is a character. Let’s pursue his Enneagram number.

Well, and I’m cracking up, this Santa is hungry. Or, he’s not hungry. He’s just an ascetic, which is totally wrong for a Santa. Mrs. Claus says, “Eat, papa, eat. No one likes a skinny Santa.”

WHY ISN’T SANTA ROLY POLY? Everything about this version is . . . Not Santa. Every year, according to this story, Santa lives lean until the last couple of weeks when he overeats. This is a very conflicted, eating-disordered Santa.

One. I mean, I go immediately to One. Skinny, energetic Santa who only gives in to the requirement of his job at the last minute is a One. Santa who tsks at Rudolph’s nose because it’s not up to some random standard that Santa himself made out of whole cloth is a One. And when he must grovel to Rudolph and ask for his help, he does it with dignity. One.

Also, the Pole is super efficient. One.

Scrooge, page 21

Next to Boy Scrooge is a figure in exotic garments, an axe in
his belt, and leading a wood-laden donkey.

ALI BABA

Ready to look for hidden treasure,
young Master Ebenezer?

REVERSE to Scrooge. His delight causes Past to stop and
stare.

SCROOGE

And Robinson Crusoe! My imaginary
friends were a comfort to me. I had
forgotten!

ROBINSON CRUSOE, with a parrot on his shoulder, kneels down
to look Boy Scrooge in the eye.

Continue reading “Scrooge, page 21”