Queen Mary

4.5″ x 7″ on wallboard.

Jane is forced to attend the awkward party of guests Rochester invites over. As she tries to slip away, she’s caught by Rochester’s duet with Blanche who, we later discover, bears an uncanny resemblance to Bertha.

(ROCHESTER)
QUEEN MARY MADE LOVE TO A FIDDLER,
A DANDY CALLED RIZZIO BY NAME.
SHE HAD HIS WEE BABE,
AND DARNLEY IN RAGE,
STABBED RIZZIO AND ENDED HIS GAME.

PLAY, SING, AND RHYME.
THE REST IS NOT WORTH A FILIP.
A MAN WHO CAN’T QUIP
WITH A DAME ON HIS HIP
WILL FEEL THE KNIFE’S SHARP POINTY TIP.

(BLANCHE)
QUEEN MARY PLEDGED TROTH TO THE DEVIL,
A SPICY ROGUE, BOTHWELL BY NAME.
HE KIDNAPPED HIS WIFE,
AND TOOK DARNLEY’S LIFE,
AND DIED IN A PRISON, INSANE.

HUNT, SHOOT, AND FIGHT.
THE REST IS NOT WORTH A FILIP.
A MAN WHO CAN’T RIP
A MAN’S NECK WITH HIS GRIP
IS AN APPLE THAT CAN’T SOW ITS PIP.

Please find song and album information at bandcamp.

HENRY JONES, SR., FIVE

Indy’s companion in his third movie is his father. It is a love story, as much as Marion Ravenwood’s is.

So, what Enneagram number is Dad?

He’s a scholar, but more than that he’s a solitary scholar. Contemplative. Prone to isolation and introversion. Any number can be an introvert, but Henry really says “Head Type” as a first impression. He’s certainly not a Body Type like Indy. Using the umbrella to send the birds into the plane engine is our clue there.

And he’s not a Heart. Emotions are secondary for him, an inconvenience.

Five, Six, or Seven?

Not Seven. He’s not fun enough, or varied enough, or hedonistic enough for that. The pleasures of the world don’t tempt him.

He’s a Five. He’s just too serious to be anything else. The mission drives him, knowledge drives him. The grail diary is his life’s work and he’s never grown tired of pursuing it. He’s relentless about something many people would find boring.

Here’s what’s interesting: In real life, Fives and Nines have a complicated relationship. Nines can’t stand how know-it-all Fives are, and Fives can’t stand that Nines don’t value their insight. I would say that, subconsciously, this dynamic is what makes the third Indiana Jones movie arguably the best of the series. Beautifully played.

WILLIE SCOTT, FOUR

Does the second Indiana Jones companion warrant an Enneagram number? She follows Marion Ravenwood, which is unfortunate for her, but she’s given a distinctive character by Kate Capshaw. I actually liked her on first viewing in the movie theater.

She’s dramatic. A Four? Creepy-crawly bugs get a BIG REACTION. (They would from me, too, and I’m no Four.) But her constant, wonderful lament, “Innnndy!” seems Heart Type-ish. “I broke a nail,” something any Type could feel, still seems Heart. Big Feelz, high and low, are her sweet spot.

You know, I’m not going to look any further. Willie just reads like such a Four.

And this is why Willie doesn’t work. Marion has set the standard for Jones companions. An Eight’s aggression and practicality will win out when compared with a Four’s emotion and — well, believability. Willie acts much more like a real companion would than Marion does. Like most of us, she’s not very heroic. Marion Ravenwood, Eight, is a consummate heroine.

In real life a Nine like Indy is much more likely to choose a Four than an Eight. Here in the movies it’s all backwards. Willie’s movie is most people’s least favorite. That’s a shame! She deserves better.

MARION RAVENWOOD, EIGHT

The first of Indiana Jones’ love interests, Marion will always be my favorite.

She’s tough. She’s impulsive. She’s indomitable. 

We’re talking an Enneagram Eight, aren’t we?

The way she manages her saloon, the way she insists on going with Jones, the way she brandishes a knife at Belloq — these are so Eight. There’s not a lot of subtlety in Marion, just worn-on-her-sleeve aggression. When Jones finds her after her capture and leaves her tied up, she’s ready to rip him apart. No grudges, though. It’s all forgiven later.

She’s good in a pinch. Go frying pan! And when it’s time to run she can hoof it. I haven’t considered any other Enneagram number because this one seems so clear. Also, as we’ve seen, heroine Eights are kind of the writer’s go-to. Marion’s great. I sure hope, though, we can find some other heroines who break the mold a little.

INDIANA JONES, NINE

Indy is Harrison Ford and he is Indy. I cannot know Ford’s Enneagram number, but I will guess he shares a close connection with his character’s. 

Indy is physical. Swinging on ropes, wielding the bull whip, running pell mell — he is a true action hero.

He’s also smart. Clues, puzzles, deciphering, are all part of his job. He’s a professor for a reason.

Feelings, although present, don’t drive him. I think we can safely say that Indy’s no Heart Type.

I want to say “Nine,” but is that true? He’s not meticulous enough to be a One and he’s not impulsive enough to be an Eight. He rolls in the moment without hesitation, but it doesn’t have that gut-punch command an Eight shows. He’s competent and confident. Very Nine-ish.

The brain stuff can also be Nine-based, if it’s secondary to the physical. Is he a Head Type?

He’s too brazen to be a Five or Six. Seven? No, because he takes no joy in the outlandish gymnastics, mental and physical, he performs. It’s business, not pleasure. Sometimes his outlook toward his vocation is quite grim.

Like most adventure characters, Indy is a Nine. Easy to love, comfortable to watch, and a bit cookie cutter in his personality.

ELIZABETH SWANN, TWO

As a child, she’s bold and unintimidated. Brave, kind. Curious, loyal.

When she gets older, she still cares for Will despite class differences. Rules mean little. Social conventions mean less. However, most female characters in the late 21st century action movie genre act this way. Can we determine Elizabeth’s Enneagram number or are we stuck with only stereotypical writing?

Let’s go back to the child. Young Elizabeth is extremely likable, a protagonist worth following. She feels strongly but is also active. Her emotions don’t leave her passive. She’s not a brat, though. She’s respectful, yet insistent. Young Elizabeth is a leader, probably an Eight.

Grown Elizabeth is not an Eight. She’s still active rather than passive, and insistent. She no longer has that decisive calm, though. She’s no leader. Bravery has turned to recklessness. She’s also no Head Type; much too impulsive.

Heart. She’s not a good enough fighter to be a Body Type. She’s competent, make no mistake. That’s all, though. And envy drives a lot of her actions. Envy of Sparrow’s insouciance, actually, although I don’t know if anyone involved in the production saw it this way. Elizabeth may want to ignore society’s rules, but she’ll never be as good at it as Sparrow.

A Two goes to Eight in weakness. An Eight’s decisiveness becomes a Two’s cruelty. We see this at the end of the second Pirates movie. Her treatment of Sparrow and Will has an uncomfortable edge.

This is a mish-mosh of a character. Ultimately I’d classify Elizabeth as a Two, but I would write and direct her quite differently to make that clear. She’s living in a gray zone right now, which is what makes her character vulnerable to stereotyping.

Except for when she stays on the island, true to Will. Her sacrifice and generosity shine through at the end of the trilogy, marking a very Two-like moment.