Oh, no, hahaha! I’m screwed! Lol. Well, maybe this episode won’t be as cringe as I remember. And we can reference Austin Powers and his fembots as an homage. I’m sure I’ll be fine.
ONE
Captain’s Log. The Enterprise pursues an unidentified vessel. Trying to escape, it heads into an asteroid field where its engines overload and fail. Kirk decides to use their deflector screen to protect the other ship, even though Scotty warns him against it. Stand by transporter. Enterprise risks overloading its own engines.
Roll credits.
TWO
Power surge and the bridge goes dark for a second. One of our lithium crystals, Sulu says. Scotty can’t lock on to beam the other crew aboard. Zap — another dark surge. Uhura says, “We’re getting a distress signal.” In the transporter room Scotty, Bones, and Spock energize and watch.
Oh. Dear. Lord. Rakish hat, wide belt, puffy shirt, single earring, and van dyke moustache. Here he comes, transporting in. Cartoon music and a doubletake reaction from the crew. Oh, help. He even speaks with that terrible fake pirate Irish. In no rush, he’s affable while Spock and Scotty want to get on with it.
On the bridge, another lithium circuit zaps out. How many have transported aboard, Scotty? One, but we’ve locked onto three more. The transporter pads blink and surge. Meanwhile, on the bridge we see the vessel explode. Did you get the crew, Scotty?
Pause, and then they materialize. The woman on the left wears a bosom-enhancing dress, the one in the middle pivots away so we can get a booty view, and the one on the right wears only a poncho, legs bare, with gladiator sandals. They each give a little grind-wiggle while Fake Pirate watches the men. Easy there, Bones, lol. Ew, close-up of Miss Booty squinching her eyes at them. The framing does suggest that we should be suspicious, so there’s that.
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