SCAREDY PANTS

ONE

A skeleton on a sunken ship, a spider in snorkel gear — it’s a Halloween episode. The French narrator tells us so. “Everyone’s having fun.” The Krusty Krab has a big sign out front and some nice jack-o-lanterns.

TWO

“Well, almost everyone.” Inside the KK kitchen, Spongebob jumps at a sound. Washing dishes, he quickly turns when the order rack makes a sinister chuckling-like squeak. He rushes through the rest of the pile, breaking some plates, and declares he’s done.

Krabs blocks the door. Don’t you want to hear my scary story? No. But . . . he can’t resist. Krabs sets up a campfire just inside the front door and they sit around it.

THREE

Ooh! It’s a Flying Dutchman story! Yay!

(What a great Three: Introduce the idea of the Dutchman. Wait until the Six!)

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Episode 4

ONE

The Downton Fair sets up in the village, introduced with a lengthy shot of the announcement poster. 

TWO

Bates, Gwen, and Anna walk through the construction, excited to get a group together for the opening. Anna, seeing Lady Mary also in the square, sends the others on home. It gives the two women a chance to recap the dead-man-carry experience and share a friendly moment.

Robert at his desk, loyal dog at his feet, is ready to meet the new chauffeur. Here’s Branson! His story purpose in this episode is the “how times are changing” plot. One plotline always carries this theme.

The Dowager and Cora have tea on the lawn as they discuss Mary’s prospects. They’re not giving up. They’ll need a lawyer to fully examine this entail tangle, and Violet knows just the person.

THREE

(There is no Three.) 

The moment above references Mary, the person we need at this beat. The Six makes that clear. I won’t count a discussion of Mary as the Three, though, because this scene is a Two mirror for the Eight. Mary’s trouble with the inheritance is part of the climax. It can’t play double duty as a Two and as a Three. The resolution of the entail is critical at the Eight, and this outdoor tea sets all that up. One quick little Mary moment at this beat, herself, in person, would’ve sufficed.

How very strange and disappointing. The next scene is clearly Four stuff, though, so here we are.

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JOFFREY (BOOK), FOUR

He’s tall, handsome, and next in line to the throne. He’s got it all and he knows it. Why should he be nice?

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt at the beginning. He’s spoiled and privileged. That doesn’t mean he’s intrinsically awful. When he rides out with Sansa he shows her a lovely day in a beautiful countryside. It’s only with Arya that his dark side emerges. 

For a while he seems like a rich boy, petted and selfish. Underneath, though, is a liking for cruelty. He’s not that different from little Robert Arryn, the breastfeeding lordling. He wants to see people fly through his own version of the Moon Door just because he can.

Benefit of the doubt officially over.

He’s a monster, but here’s what’s interesting. When he becomes king he immediately behaves as a tyrant. There’s no warm-up, no testing the waters of power. It’s not politics for him. He just is this way. The only difference is that now no one can tell him to stop. Before this he seemed possibly juvenile. But he’s a sadist. He enjoys the pain.

He’s passive until the throne is brought to him by his father’s death. He doesn’t engage in politics and he makes no effort to learn. When he sits on the throne and rules, cruel whim informs his decisions. Law and justice mean nothing to him. He’s no Head Type.

And he’s no Body Type. Little Arya beats him up. Weapons training is not something he pursues with passion.

So, Heart. Two, Three, or Four?

He’s not clever. Sansa talks rings around him. So does The Hound. He’s not nice enough to be a Two and not successful enough to be a Three. (His mother got him the throne. And no one likes him there.) That leaves a nasty Four. That explains his ability to misdirect people with his prettiness. Smoke and mirrors.

Bato of the Water Tribe

ONE

We’re near some body of water, and our team finds a whale tooth knife. Sokka has a memory of such a weapon.

TWO

It’s a Water Tribe knife. He starts tracking. At the shore they find a boat. It’s one of ours — Dad was here!

Meanwhile, Iroh is having tea with Zuko. A peaceful moment. Crash! A beast, a shirshu named Nyla, and her handler, June, seek a stowaway on Zuko’s ship. To Zuko’s surprise he is actually harboring someone. Nyla’s tongue whips out and paralyzes the man.

Back at camp, Appa and the team sleep.

THREE

Sokka has a memory of when he was probably ten years old as he says goodbye to his father. He’s crying, he wants to go with them, but he’s too young.

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STANNIS BARATHEON (BOOK), FOUR

Why did Stannis leave? He was going places — investigating? — with Jon Arryn before his death, and now Stannis has abandoned King’s Landing. Apparently he’s either too careful to succeed or he’s a coward. Also, he’s quite a prude and no one likes him. So there.

Seat Stannis on the throne and the realm will bleed.

My God, he’s bitter. He’s steeped in poison of his own thoughts. He’s a resentful person, envious of Renly. And Ned. Wow, is Stannis a horrible, small-minded tyrant. However, he’s not kind, he’s not successful, and he’s not witty. None of the Heart Types fit him.

One goes to Four in weakness. The WHAMming (What About Me?), the envy, are part of that slide. The obsession with rules and details are the One side. He’s petty and selfish, with none of the charm of either number. A turn toward Seven would be a strength move. You can see how if he considered his options — join with Renly, join with Winterfell — he would improve his chances. Instead he chooses the Red Woman, the occult, which narrows his odds even further. Why in the world did Ned consider this man a possible monarch? No bloodline is strong enough to make Stannis worthy.

Charlie X

ONE

The Enterprise in space, maneuvering to come alongside a cargo vessel. Captain’s log, over. Kirk wears the more formal gold shirt and heads to the transporter room. The Antares is beaming over an “unusual passenger”.

The captain and navigator come aboard, along with “young castaway” Charlie, a regular-looking human young adult. Kirk reaches to shake his hand, something Charlie takes a second to understand. We get a closeup of his face as he looks at Kirk with — awe? admiration? The two crewmen look nervous.

TWO

The captain hesitates, and we see Charlie frown and roll his eyes into his head. The two crewmen immediately begin to praise Charlie, talking over each other. Kirk gives them a look like, oookay, take it easy. They quickly drop the information that Charlie was alone on a planet, possibly for a long time.

Charlie grabs his luggage and interrupts them. Kirk frowns at him, but the other captain enthusiastically answers his question. Over 400 people on a starship! The captain is glassy-eyed as he regrets having to part with Charlie. Again, Charlie interrupts. This time Kirk corrects him. “That’s considered wrong.” It’s firm but kind instruction. Now the other crew hurries to transport away.

Yeoman Janice comes in. She’s to escort Charlie. He stares at her. My beautiful basket head is here! It was probably this episode that started my girl-crush.

Roll credits.

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EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

 ONE

The Krusty Krab. Spongebob pesters Squidward, who reads a book while manning the register. 

TWO

Today’s the beginning of the judging for Employee of the Month. Squid considers the award a scam. Work harder for no extra money in order to win. He indicates the “wall of shame”, a series of winner’s photos that are all Spongebob. Spongebob gives a genuine statement about pride in your work, and Mr. Krab gives him an arm hug. Then he tells him it’s a tough judgment this month. Squidward’s on the verge of a breakout!

THREE

Elbowing him, Squid says, “I might sneak up on you.” Hardy har. 

FOUR

Spongebob imagines Squid’s laughing face inside the waiting empty picture frame and wails. “How can I let the quality of my work slip so much?” Actually, this is a terrible, bullying episode! Stop gaslighting the Sponge.

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Episode 3

ONE

The grounds at Downton as Bates, in coat and bowler hat, walks off the property. A lovely period-dressed shot to establish the village, and then Bates is in the post office. He runs into one of the maids as she enters on her own business.

At the house Anna tries to wrestle a trunk from a high place. In walks Post Maid. “What are you doing?” They’re roommates and Anna needs space. But the luggage is unusually heavy, which is mysterious. Anna insists on knowing the contents.

Outdoors Cora approaches Mary on a bench reading a letter from Evelyn. He’ll be in the area. Cora insists he stay with them.

TWO

Cut to the luggage open on the bed. It’s a typewriter. Post Maid has been taking a correspondence course. O’Brien barges in on business and the two maids quickly block view of the secret until she exits. To want to leave service, to look for a job, is a big deal.

Cora tells Robert and the Dowager of Mary’s interest in Evelyn. Let the matchmaking begin! The Dowager’s only hesitation is to keep fighting for the inheritance for Mary.

Matthew on a bicycle freewheeling through the village, fresh off the train, comes upon Edith. Oh, aha. She and Mary, last episode, argued over Matthew. Mary doesn’t want him and Edith does. Here, she suggests a picnic lunch while touring the local churches. It’s very cringe.

Back to the typewriter. It’s now on the kitchen table and all the staff poke at it as an oddity. Carson comes in with Hughes to tame the wild beast. Ah, O’Brien brought it to light. Big tattletale! Gwen (Post Maid’s name) walks in, quite upset to see her private object in the public kitchen. Hughes, in charge of her and her welfare, insists she has a right to know. Lovely reaction shot of O’Brien as Anna says, “It was you.” Why, Hughes asks, did you buy this typewriter? “I want to be a secretary.” Oh, haha, delicious. The staff react as if a lion is loose. Carson’s face is priceless.

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BRAN STARK (BOOK), NINE

He’s young, and the chapters from his perspective reflect a child’s understanding and interests.

He’s a knight-stan. It’s logical that a youngster in a medieval era would love the warriors and know their names by heart. This child, though, is clearly a Body Type. He climbs because he must.

When he and Robb receive Sansa’s letter proclaiming Ned a traitor, Bran cuts to the chase: Sansa lost her wolf. If the children and their wolves share a bond, then Sansa’s was broken, she was broken, against her will. (Nymeria runs free with Arya’s permission.) What a great insight — and a glimpse of the wisdom Bran will have — as to why Sansa would weaken.

He has a chance to study as a Maester, a vocation he’d excel at, but turns it down. It has no magic, and that’s what he wants. He wants to fly. Again, Body Type. He wants to ride out like Robb and hear the cheering. It’s the image of trotting rather than accolades that moves him. More than his body is broken by the fall. His inner self, his connection to life as a Body Type, is broken. If that can be rebuilt it will take a while.

I don’t think he has the vitality of an Eight. Nine or One? He’s a natural diplomat with no love of accounting. Nine.

The Man Trap

Season One, Episode One of Star Trek OG! I’ve seen every episode multiple times. How will it stack up?

ONE

The Enterprise in orbit. Over, Kirk dictates his log. Mr. Spock temporarily has command as Kirk and Dr. McCoy have beamed down to the planet. Notice the introductory tone and the attention to military detail. We shall ignore the pilot episode with Captain Pike and consider this the very first episode. The show definitely does.

Okay, they’re here for a routine medical examination of an archeologist husband and wife duo. However, Nancy is someone from McCoy’s past. Dunh-dunh! Also, we have a third man, someone wearing a blue shirt, on the away team. First episode, the red shirt curse hasn’t been codified yet. I fear for you, crewman!

Kirk makes a joke about bringing flowers to an old girlfriend. McCoy ribs him back.

Inside, the living quarters are empty. No one’s currently at home. Closeup of the blue shirt looking around!

A history lesson: it’s been ten years since McCoy saw Nancy.

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