Category: Character Stories

HOMER SIMPSON, TWO

Homer is not a thinking man. If we want to know his Enneagram number, I think we can safely rule out any of the Head Types.

And yet he has such a love of the carnal, as a Seven would. Food, sloth, fun. The gyroscope of the world holds no interest for him, though. Not a Seven.

Well, then, a Body Type. To take such pleasure in digestion, to the workings of the body, suggests an Eight or Nine. (Not a One. Heavens, no.) He doesn’t seem aggressive enough to be an Eight. Homer is content to ride along on the wave of comfort. Very Nine-ish. But, boy oh boy, is he no diplomat or community leader. Not very Nine-ish.

Not a Three or Four. He’s not fastidious enough for either number.

A Two? He actually has a good heart for his family. In his comic strip/animation way, he’s a loving father and husband. Twos also take pleasure in the community of eating and entertaining. It doesn’t come from lust or laziness. A party is how people relax with each other.

Also, a Two’s oldest child could very well be an Eight, as Bart is. It’s the strength/weakness move again.

There’s something strangely lovable about Homer. He’s accessible. A Two.

HOLLY GENNERO, THREE

Practical, cool-headed, a manager. Although she’s in an action movie, Holly doesn’t engage in hijinks or stunts. She’s the calm rock for her work colleagues and a steely negotiator. When Hans asks her, “Who put you in charge?” she comes right back with, “You did when you killed my boss.”

My mind immediately jumps to the Enneagram Three. Those indomitable nerves are basic for Three Women. So is the take-charge attitude that doesn’t feel pushy to her colleagues. Everyone likes her.

Even her separation from John is Three-like. Threes are so driven to accomplish, and it’s so effortless for them to do a lot, that her determination to pursue her career makes sense. She doesn’t really have a problem with John; their marriage is not in trouble because of emotional differences. They just disagree about where they’ll live and whose career will take precedence in deciding that.

She’s quite an exciting and unique character to find in an action flick. Also, which makes my OCD very happy, the casting of Bonnie Bedelia is excellent. Her build is very Three-like and her take on Holly rings true for her Enneagram number.

JOHN McCLANE, ONE

He’s That Guy. If you’ve read my book you know I have great respect for “That Guy”. And you’ll know I believe we can all be “That Guy” in our lives and in the characters we create. It’s a wonderful hero trope.

But who specifically is McClane?

He’s loyal. When Holly relocates to Los Angeles he doesn’t dump her and move on. He’s also stubborn. When Holly relocates he doesn’t move with her. He has a job that is his identity, something he won’t leave behind.

He likes being a cop and believes in it. He’s a law and order guy. Rules. 

He has a sort of world-weary pessimism. He’s an Energizer bunny who won’t quit. These are very Six, but isn’t McClane a Body Type? Action hero does action things, like tie himself to a fire hose and jump off the roof. Is he a Nine living in his weakness trait?

Wait, think. If you think you’re looking at a Six but they have a more physical approach to the world, you’re probably actually seeing a One. Bruce Willis doesn’t have a One’s lean, wiry appearance, so he’s tricked me into guessing other numbers. How wonderfully fascinating, though! A One.

It’s the Energizer bunny clue that gives it away. His One wit takes a darker turn — “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs” — but it’s there. This was a good discovery. I’m surprised!

ELIZABETH BENNET, SIX

One of the greatest heroines ever created. She is flawed, which gives her a chance to arc. Because she assumes that Mr. Darcy is the flawed one, the plot also goes through a nice reversal, allowing Elizabeth to change and grow even more. Many film portrayals of Lizzie exist.

Trying to decide her Enneagram number, though, might be tricky. She’s an odd mix. First, she loves Jane unreservedly. She is loyal to her other sisters, but not always kind. She’s quite judgmental of her dear friend Charlotte. And she absolutely rips into Darcy. There’s a mash-up of stinginess and generosity, scorn and humility. Pride and prejudice, of course, and none of us is sure which noun fits which character better at any given time.

Her willingness to judge, followed by her loyalty when she sets her mind to it, suggests a Six. Certainly she’s no Heart Type. As perfect a creature as Jane would drive Elizabeth to envy if she were.

She does like a walk, though. She’s refreshed and rejuvenated by the activity. Nature can beguile anyone, but does this mean she’s a Body Type? She’s never portrayed as a small, energetic woman, although a One is quite possibly a match with her other characteristics. Her wit is also persuasive as a One trait.

When I recorded my read-aloud of “Pride and Prejudice” I characterized in my mind Elizabeth as a Six. Darcy seems so Five-ish (which is how I read him) that the Head Type conflict felt right to me.

And what if she’s an Eight, or a Seven? Any of these choices by an actor/director could work and become interesting. I would watch any of these versions.

The key, I think, is how set Elizabeth’s mind is and how deeply humiliated she is to learn she’s been completely wrong. Shame. I’m going to stick by my diagnosis of a Six because of this. I don’t know if any other Enneagram number would be so wrenched by error, and yet so willing to admit it and correct course.

HENRY JONES, SR., FIVE

Indy’s companion in his third movie is his father. It is a love story, as much as Marion Ravenwood’s is.

So, what Enneagram number is Dad?

He’s a scholar, but more than that he’s a solitary scholar. Contemplative. Prone to isolation and introversion. Any number can be an introvert, but Henry really says “Head Type” as a first impression. He’s certainly not a Body Type like Indy. Using the umbrella to send the birds into the plane engine is our clue there.

And he’s not a Heart. Emotions are secondary for him, an inconvenience.

Five, Six, or Seven?

Not Seven. He’s not fun enough, or varied enough, or hedonistic enough for that. The pleasures of the world don’t tempt him.

He’s a Five. He’s just too serious to be anything else. The mission drives him, knowledge drives him. The grail diary is his life’s work and he’s never grown tired of pursuing it. He’s relentless about something many people would find boring.

Here’s what’s interesting: In real life, Fives and Nines have a complicated relationship. Nines can’t stand how know-it-all Fives are, and Fives can’t stand that Nines don’t value their insight. I would say that, subconsciously, this dynamic is what makes the third Indiana Jones movie arguably the best of the series. Beautifully played.

WILLIE SCOTT, FOUR

Does the second Indiana Jones companion warrant an Enneagram number? She follows Marion Ravenwood, which is unfortunate for her, but she’s given a distinctive character by Kate Capshaw. I actually liked her on first viewing in the movie theater.

She’s dramatic. A Four? Creepy-crawly bugs get a BIG REACTION. (They would from me, too, and I’m no Four.) But her constant, wonderful lament, “Innnndy!” seems Heart Type-ish. “I broke a nail,” something any Type could feel, still seems Heart. Big Feelz, high and low, are her sweet spot.

You know, I’m not going to look any further. Willie just reads like such a Four.

And this is why Willie doesn’t work. Marion has set the standard for Jones companions. An Eight’s aggression and practicality will win out when compared with a Four’s emotion and — well, believability. Willie acts much more like a real companion would than Marion does. Like most of us, she’s not very heroic. Marion Ravenwood, Eight, is a consummate heroine.

In real life a Nine like Indy is much more likely to choose a Four than an Eight. Here in the movies it’s all backwards. Willie’s movie is most people’s least favorite. That’s a shame! She deserves better.

MARION RAVENWOOD, EIGHT

The first of Indiana Jones’ love interests, Marion will always be my favorite.

She’s tough. She’s impulsive. She’s indomitable. 

We’re talking an Enneagram Eight, aren’t we?

The way she manages her saloon, the way she insists on going with Jones, the way she brandishes a knife at Belloq — these are so Eight. There’s not a lot of subtlety in Marion, just worn-on-her-sleeve aggression. When Jones finds her after her capture and leaves her tied up, she’s ready to rip him apart. No grudges, though. It’s all forgiven later.

She’s good in a pinch. Go frying pan! And when it’s time to run she can hoof it. I haven’t considered any other Enneagram number because this one seems so clear. Also, as we’ve seen, heroine Eights are kind of the writer’s go-to. Marion’s great. I sure hope, though, we can find some other heroines who break the mold a little.

INDIANA JONES, NINE

Indy is Harrison Ford and he is Indy. I cannot know Ford’s Enneagram number, but I will guess he shares a close connection with his character’s. 

Indy is physical. Swinging on ropes, wielding the bull whip, running pell mell — he is a true action hero.

He’s also smart. Clues, puzzles, deciphering, are all part of his job. He’s a professor for a reason.

Feelings, although present, don’t drive him. I think we can safely say that Indy’s no Heart Type.

I want to say “Nine,” but is that true? He’s not meticulous enough to be a One and he’s not impulsive enough to be an Eight. He rolls in the moment without hesitation, but it doesn’t have that gut-punch command an Eight shows. He’s competent and confident. Very Nine-ish.

The brain stuff can also be Nine-based, if it’s secondary to the physical. Is he a Head Type?

He’s too brazen to be a Five or Six. Seven? No, because he takes no joy in the outlandish gymnastics, mental and physical, he performs. It’s business, not pleasure. Sometimes his outlook toward his vocation is quite grim.

Like most adventure characters, Indy is a Nine. Easy to love, comfortable to watch, and a bit cookie cutter in his personality.

RON WEASLEY, FOUR?

This one’s going to take a process of elimination.

Ron is an Envy person. Harry’s success poisons their friendship for a while. Anyone who feels so strongly that they covet against character is a Heart Type. In case you doubt, we also know Ron’s no Body Type. Although he loves quidditch and wants to be good at it, his performance is mixed. Also, he may like the strategy of wizard’s chess, but delving into the thinking of things as a Head Type would is not his strong suit.

This means Ron is a Two, Three, or Four.

Well, he’s clearly not a Three! To others the life of a Three can seem charmed. Ron’s the opposite. He seems cursed. If a Three got sent the moth-balled dress robes they’d turn it into a fashion statement and everyone else would want the same. Shame is really not in the Three wheelhouse.

Is he a Four? A Four can be tormented with the depth of their feelings, which Ron indeed is. However, Four Men are also extremely witty. It’s like they’ve drunk a truth bomb. They are so cutting, and yet fun. Ron, again, this is not.

That leaves a Two. Is Ron a Two? Whoa. Hard call. Two Men are very giving and sweet-natured. They are vulnerable to abuse because they’re so kind. They also tend to accumulate hobbies and the gear that goes with it. A Two Man is a tinkerer. That doesn’t particularly sound like Ron, either.

I’m going to go with Four, even though it’s not a perfect match. It’s the wildly swinging emotions that decide it for me.

Or, Rowling did not nail his character as thoroughly as she did with the others, and he’s really no number at all.

HERMIONE GRANGER, SIX

A stickler for the rules and the boundaries of right and wrong. Organized and prepared. Willing to champion a cause and brave enough to lead others in it.

Is Hermione a Six, or is she a One?

These two numbers are very similar. Build-wise, women are slight, possibly wiry, and not tall. Both numbers have quick wits and sharp tongues. Hermione’s bookishness could point more clearly toward Six, a Head Type, but Ones also enjoy sharing knowledge and insight.

However, a One is a Body Type, and that leads us to the definitive answer.

If Hermione were a One, she’d play quidditch. 

Her disinterest in the game (or lack of physical prowess in it) makes her a Six.